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dear_santy_claws
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Rhin
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All I want for Christmas is:
1. A Rickenbacker guitar.
2. Two (2) Fender basses.
3. A '56 Chevy pick-up.
4. The newest Bose system.
5. Rocky Mt. 'Eagles Nest' log cabin.
6. Custom built Plymouth Prowler, in Silver Metallic, with black calfnap leather interior.
7. '79-'81 black Harley Sportster.
8. And if you have time...Sturgis 2001.
That is all!
Love, Rhin
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001206
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santy claws
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why hell! is that all?? sheee-it.
i's goin' to town friday t' git some shit, i'll see if i cain't pick up it all fer ya.
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001206
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startfires
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dear santy claws
do you really have claws? i don't think that would be very cool.
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001206
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startfires
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startfires: i don't really have claws, more like giant blades that come out of my white fluffy gloves. kinda like a mix between wolverine and edward scissorhands.
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001206
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silentbob
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dear Mr. Claws. i was wondering why you care so dearly about all those little children. a man your age! do you ever think maybe you're warping their perception of your age group?
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001206
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startfires aka santa claus
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*face turns red*
that was supposed to be from santa.
shit. now everyone knows my secret. santy claws is really startfires. so you better be nice to me or no presents this year.
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001206
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sinful santy claws
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to be honest bob, i have been in and out of therepy for years for being a pedophile. giving them non threatening presents is my way of relating to children in a non sexual way.
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001206
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Rhin
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Hey!...Santy!...Leave them kids alone!
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001206
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santy claws
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shee-it! why thuh hell is everbody talkin' so goddamned much. i ain't never wanted to fuck no young un's! i got me an ol' lady an' uh goat named elvis t' satisfy my sekshul needs. i cain't believe you people. you is sick!
i ain't gonna give you instugators nuthin' but switches n' coal fer chrismus!
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001206
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start fires on santa
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mmmm. coal.
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001206
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Rhin
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Santy Claws,
Just bring me my damn Rickenbacker & my sportster, and I'll shut the hell up!
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001206
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santy claws
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i's sorry ya'll. it's just that i got laid off at the plant and i cain't ufford the payment on mah new camaro. i din't mean tuh be so ornery.
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001206
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silentbob
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i want just two babes
just two! not four, or six
just two.
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001206
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: ) guess
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dear santy claws
I have been a naughty naughty girl, and i want you to take your claws and punish me with them
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001206
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Brak
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I like Santy Claws!!!
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001206
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startfires
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bob i think maybe you already have two babes. one is eyeing the other angrily in a fit of jealousy.
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001206
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Santy Claws
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and i like you, Brak.
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001206
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Rhin
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Dear Santy Claws,
I've changed my mind. I will happily exchange all of those other materialistic things, for one man! One man in particular...
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001206
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not so tiny Tim
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can she have him?
Pleeeeeaaaaasssssse?!
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001206
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santy claws
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jesus fuckin'christ! y'all want so damn much. i gotta keep goin' back and crossin' out shit in mah notebook and re- writin' all this shit, and you know i cain't write nor spell too damn good.
(glug glug... *hic*). mmmm. that's more like it. (cough cough toke toke).
i feel better now. y'all gonna git all yer chrimis wishes full- filled. just y'all keep on chooglin'.
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001208
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j_blue
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i think i want the illusion of sanity i once enjoyed to return.
i also want decisiveness, among other thing.
one last thing, i need a new electric razor, that cool one with the wash cycle (or whatever) would be mighty nice.
thanks
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001208
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santy claws
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is you a' talkin' but the one what sqirts all the goo in yer face when ya go ta shave? i don't thank we got them in yet. hold on while i check in-vun-tor-eee..... (gurp glrrrrppp aaaahhhhhh *belch*)..................hmmmmm. ok.
i think they is comin' on the next truck from the huntington store. hmmmmm........i'm purty sure we are out of sanity and order an all the rest a that shit....*belch*.......*stagger stagger*
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001208
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freelance narration ltd
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(** santy farts mightiliy and collapses onto the filthy ash-sodden porch astroturf carpet**)
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001208
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santy claws
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If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of
imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... you are
ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest,
torture, or death...you are fortunate, more than three billion people in
the world can't.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof
overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a
Dish someplace...you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare ....
even in the United States.
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010225
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Rhin
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dear santy claws,
here i sit once again, eagerly anticipating your arrival. i have decided to set out puppy chow for you this year, and have decidedly voted against spiking your cider again. i want you to know that i didn't appreciate your little nighttime visit to my bedroom last year. i'm still having nightmares about what you wanted to do with that candy cane.
anyway, i have been a good girl this year, so i would appreciate the following items...
1) a Clumper puppy
2) minimum of $50,000 (cash please) to give to a charity (anonymously) of my choice
3) an orphaned child (age not important)
4) health and prosperity for my loved ones
5) (this is the most important one) an affidavit from you, stating that you will fullfill everyone elses christmas wish this year.
6) peace on earth (possibly more important than the previous one)
love, Rhin
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021126
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:)
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possibly?
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040312
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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