blue_receptacle_of_negativity re_alisma sorry for the slightly sour words. (don't you ruin things by making them into a receptacle for communal fears, worries, and chagrins.) 101212 ... no reason i think receptacle is a good word i often use blather for words i don't want to say out loud, and they're occasionally sour because this is a good place to purge it isn't to say i feel like this or that all the time, and if you met me you'd probably never get the idea that i'd say some of the things i've said here, but that's why i'm glad here is here. (to sum up, i wouldn't think apologies are necessary) 101212 ... perfectly_chaotic Well said no reason. There are parts of me which are so difficult not to express; yet doing so is often socially inappropriate. Much of what I write I don't ever show anybody. Much of that doesn't ever even make it here. I am afraid of burdening others with my suffering. There is so much I want to tell you. Yet I cannot bare to. Words live. Burnt pictures of memories, taken by hand. The slideshow sounds, playing on mute. For you to really hear the sound, in order to see the properly exposed negatives.... You would need to see with my negative eye. Otherwise, the positive one won't focus correctly. 101212 ... unhinged (have you read almost any of my relationship blathes for the last year?) 101213 ... re_alisma i have. sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. my opinion is that you are setting your sights on somebody who is unfortunately not truly available to you. i do that all the time. (except i do it in absentia or in cosmic weirdness and due to my own weaknesses, where this guy of yours has a weakness he MUST work through, despite you). i also know that you really need somebody to last a little while for you. i also know that we should stay with people even though they are not destined to be our long-term mate because relationships have their own timelines. i knew a guy for five years whom i knew in my gut i shouldn't think of staying with forever. we both knew, although he had more overt reasons for leaving me (he had a cultural issue). now that he's gone, i know i didn't stay long enough with him, and my guess is that relationship should have been about twice the length that it was. it's also very hard to stay when you know that it's going to end, though. so my experience is a fine line and i've observed you walking one too. you haven't been tremendously positive about it, nor consistently negative. after this incident, my opinion is that you should do what you can to help him (you can do this selfishly too since you'll feel good about it later), be really firm, and work on moving on. which is going to be sad, but there is still a chance, but not a huge one, that he gets his act together. you should linger a little, but it seems that he just isn't ready for you.... i don't find that you are not thinking independently, which is why i made my original comments. you, no reason, and perfectly chaotic don't seem to be falling into the concern i was having, about taking in the social negativities of our age and using rhe uber-receptivity of blather to allow them to flourish and grow. i very much want blather to keep itself to some kind of internal (but i don't know how to lock, stock characterize it) standard, you see. blather's receptivity makes it very vulnerable but that's also it's beauty, like no reason says. i think it doesn't get a whole lot of new members, though, because of a tendency to bring out negative thinking. people are generally more comfortable with safer, and more deceitful, social interactions. i think we all know that, and might project some of our insecurities into the blue, needlessly compouding things. that's what i was trying to say up there, a little too succinctly. (also they might think they need to enter their email which they don't.) i was sorry for sour words that were directed at another blatherskite, which is not really in the spirit of the thing. this might also be about my own insecurities, in which case, thank you for listening. : ) so perfectly chaotic, you should write more. if not for your own sake, for the sake of writing. the spirit is that it helps you and it helps everybody. (although i have a lot of writing that i don't show anybody either.) 101213 ... re_alisma actually, i think you weren't necessarily asking for my opinion, unhinged, but i guess you got it. 101213 ... unhinged i learned not to be bothered by unsolicited skite advice a long time ago ;-) i feel that this is one of the only places in my life where i can have meaningful dialogue with people about things that matter to me. tough things. bad things. sad things. social issues. religious issues. so i also don't worry so much about people airing problems around here. sometimes its a necessity. tonglen: in with the bad out with the good 101213 what's it to you? who go blather from