baby_steps_to_the_water_dive_in_head_first girl_jane When I came home this morning, there was a survery taped to my door. A girl on the fourth floor needs them answered for a paper in her statistics class. This was the survery. When you think about the person you want to enventually end up with, whether it be for a serious relationship or marriage, what would be the ONE thing that would be more important to you?? I know this is hard to put into one quality, but if you had to just sum it up all in one word what would be top on ur list? Please circle one.... *financial status *child rearing (that they want kids) *physical attractiveness *education (how much education they ended up with) *similarity (like you) *other ________specify (please try to keep it to one or two word phrases like the above) First I circled similarity. Then I thought for a bit more, because that wasn't right...I just didn't know what to put in the other. I scratched out similarity. In the "other" line, I wrote-very simple-LOVE I drew a little line to the bottom of the servey where I wrote "As long as he love me, and I love him, we'll be ok." Then I thought-aw shit-I have more to write...and put an arrow pointing to the back of the paper. This is what I said. "Sorry about this, but you asked a girl who's a writer-a writer who happens to be falling for a guy. I think looking for the ideal, or even having an ideal limits so much. Chances are you will never find the *perfect* person. There will always be at least one thing about them that bugs you-like leaving the seat up. Limiting the possibilities may rule out the person you're supposed to be with. I also think that love won't come when you are looking. You *look* for a date. You *look* for a quick fuck. *Love*, though, *love* happens when you aren't looking. Love happens when you're not expecting it, or in my case, it comes when you really don't want it there... Up until this morning, I was trying to convince myself that I don't love him-it's just another guy. This morning, I allowed myself to say it in my head. And now your question and my answer is going to allow me to put it in writing. I love him. It's absolutely wretched timing-but I love him. Now the next step will be saying it out loud...and eventuall...to him. Yikes. But thank you. This has really helped me. For your question-one word answer-Love." I still haven't said it out loud, but I figure baby steps...baby steps, and I'll be ok. 040403 ... girl_jane I mouthed it to myself before I fell asleep last night... 040410 ... ambermoon i know you didn't ask for any but here it is any ways...my adivce... take it or leave it... dive in...SAY IT!!! 040410 ... pipedream baby steps give you too much time to think and be embarrassed and shy and other stupid things. run and jump, and worry about the rest later. live and love and do it properly so the heartache is worth it. 040411 ... girl_jane Oh-but I'm chicken shit and stubborn, and I won't say it unless he does. 040411 ... girl_jane Truth is, I can't swim. I'm scared of the water, and I'm scared of getting all pruney. 040411 ... ... Nature or Nurture? 040412 ... pipes le sigh, as you would say...so was i, chicken shit and just do damned SHY (which is enough of a shock to extrovert, usually gung-ho me) that i didn't, and now i'm alone in that sense and wish so much that i had. at least i would have a few less 'what-ifs', a few less hopes unfulfilled. 040413 ... girl_jane I haven't seen him since Sunday morning-I miss him. I'm so tired, and right now, I'd really like to crawl into bed with him. I don't have classes tomorrow-advising day-so when I'm done with my classes today, I just might have to do that if he's around and sleep all the rest of today and all of the day tomorrow... 040413 ... birdmad the high board, the empty pool the same old story 040413 ... pipers never done it meself, but that sounds blissful. good show. *wistful smile* 040413 ... girl_jane And sleep I did. 040414 ... Casey You're not allowed to love until you love yourself, otherwise you'll just be drowning. 040503 ... snot important True Dat 040511 what's it to you? who go blather from