the_politics_of_intimacy you took a white orchid and turned it blue *Obviously i will abide by it, but can you really be surprised that it confuses and annoys me when you suddenly switch gears and go cold in mid-foreplay. *It's one thing to mention an ex in conversation especially if we're both a little tipsy and feel like bashing our most recent ex's and how we think they did us wrong, it's quite another to cry out that ex's name as my hand is moving up your thigh *I already had no curiosity or desire regarding anal sex, shoving your pinky up my ass while i'm inside you made sure i'll never be curious about it and now, as if that wasn't bad enough, I REALLY have to go to the bathroom now, too. *I go down, i enjoy going down because i like the way you writhe and gasp and laugh and scream when i do it, i like the way you grab my hair and pull me into you while i do it, please don't expect me to buy the notion that returning the favor is somehow demeaning, goodness knows that if i could do it myself, i probably wouldn't ask. *Speaking of which, my first ex trained me to be adventurous, so if you do go down, but don't care to swallow, there is always the snowball approach *While i am fairly confident that i know how to push most of your buttons when it comes to getting you off, don't be afraid to give directions if i'm doing something that doesn't work for you and if i can tell that something's not quite getting you there or turning you off, don't be surprised if i ask *Don't worry, there may be certain freaky stuff i like watching in the occasional porn video, but unless you specifically ask me for any of it, you don't have to worry about me springing (or spurting) anything on you, figuratively or literally, out of nowhere 101025 ... unhinged there are diminishing_returns on the enjoyment of sex if i know there is something expected in return. i have had a pretty deep seated reason until recently as to why i don't give guys oral sex, so i don't expect a guy to do that to me. yeah, i like to get oral sex. my last boyfriend was pretty amazing at it. but since i don't like to give it, i'd rather not have it because i don't need someone guilt tripping me about how they did it first. i don't find it necessarily demeaning; but guilt and expectation and pressure don't really make me want to work through my issues on the subject. 101026 ... took a white orchid and turned it blue a legitimate personal reason is one thing, and an understanding partner would know to leave it at that or even give without asking for a return, the gist of my argument is that someone who read in some book or heard in some lecture that it was demeaning in any situation and context but then turns around and demands it. of course another woman i knew who wouldn't go down for the same set of reasons "demeaning...degrading...", for a time, got off on being spit on and punched during sex which i found bizarrely hypocritical and infinitely horrifying and sure enough she berated me for not being willing to indulge something completely in an area even more transgressive than where my limits would go 101027 ... blue orchid the "spitting and beatings" lady was also the same woman who decided she would try and persuade me to try anal sex by giving me the pinky_surprise 101027 ... unhinged it came up just last night as we were sitting playing cards, drinking. 'you have no problem taking it' i am so tired of his guilt trip over the situation 'you don't even remember the last time i sucked your dick' cause he was stupidly wasted silence and i told you that since i don't really like to, you didn't have to. that's not an excuse. so if you really like doing that, you shouldn't expect any in return or try to make me feel guilty. i am tired of you saying i'm lazy. first of all, that's just mean. second of all, not my fault your dick doesn't work. third of all, there are boys in this world who would testify to the contrary. 101028 what's it to you? who go blather from