memory_erodes Moirai Time systematically begins the abrasive removal of certain elements; (sediment/kisses, soil/skin, rock/dopamine, and other particles/endorphins) of what once was. This all happens in a completely natural environment. Kisses, skin, dopamine, endorphins. Chain reactions occur. Fleshy breaths, steamy bodies, cold hands. A slow downward progression under the force of gravity consumed in consumption I succumb to you again and again. Our hearts pound three times as fast. Extra gushes of blood rush. Cheeks become painted in flushed tones. Butterflies flit about in stomach. All in hope of endorphins release. A bit disoriented, nervous, and wearing rouge upon face those in love look as such. This is how we once appeared in each others company. but memory erodes yet sometimes it does not weather fast enough A noticeable intrinsic natural process. The attraction that you and I once held. But in many months this has decreased. Over time my memories of you disintegrate and become less distinct. I can feel myself, my entire being shutting down and letting go. Only major details are permitted to enter long term. Driving home in wisps of you both relaxes and causes significant tension. Do you realize that when you hug me the essence of your perfume lingers? Simple souvenirs of our infrequent encounters. Why couldn't you just have let me be? Why - why does it have to be as such? You don't need me - you never needed me. Such bad timing such unforgivable timing this has all transpired under. I take you into my body in long deliberate inhalations. Where were you when there was more of a possibility? Why did you wait so long? Was it because you never really wanted me at all - was it all just a game to you? Uncontrollable and downreaching sighs escape the curves of my lips. After so much time why didn't you just let me be? Wasn't dashing my hopes and dreams good enough for just one time? I wasn't what you wanted yet you tracked me down years later. And I being the naked heart that I am took you back into my life. The life you wanted nothing to do with. Self inflicted curses upon me for you know... it'll happen again. You'll relegate me to your short term memories. Stories, happenings, thoughts and love for me shall be dimmed, erased, forgotten like two "forever" rings tossed out. Overtime memories of me shall once again become nothing but eroded moments. As they dissolve into something less distinct. Only leaving the major details to enter long term memory. Details such as: we reunited, it was powerful and all consuming in the beginning then it faded into a distance of imperfection. Until there was nothing left but depthless dwelling. I put so much chronology, animation, and celebration into caring and loving you: when you give so little back. You will never understand how submerged in my love for you I became. That I still am. Because quite frankly my dear - I do not think you are capable of seeing so intensely in such distance. My tormenting wonderment. So complicatedly precious. How can it be that I attend to and still tremble so much for that which cares so little? Why do I torture myself? Even if it was spurious at least at one point in time I felt exhilaration in meaning something to you once more- albeit many years later and albeit however manipulative it was. How could I let you? How could I let myself? How could I not let you? Subconsciously I repeat important moments of you pivotal points in time that we shared together. but someday soon I'll refrain from remembering so they'll never have to be pushed into the category of lost times, faded chances, and eroded memories. 090126 ... Lemon_Soda A blessing, really. I would have neded my own life many times over, I'm sure, if I could remember veverything completely and with such potency as when it first occurred. 090126 ... unhinged i'm afraid i'll forget the way my heart flopped over when you would grab for my hand. then again, it's etched, the way you make me feel. 090126 ... jane the_persistence_of_memory 090126 what's it to you? who go blather from