false_apologies Sonya Apologies are utterly meaningless. People always say they're sorry just to make THEMSELVES feel better, and not necessarily to make the person they're apologizing to feel better. We always say "I'm sorry" to someone else so WE don't have to feel guilty anymore. PUHLEEZE! I don't know how much more of this bullshit I can take. I tried being nice in the beginning, I got my head bitten off, and now I'm expected to be civil? Where the hell is the logic in this? If any of you think I don't have a backbone at this point, I honestly don't blame you. I've been way too nice. I am fed up now so I reassure you I am human, I do have a backbone, and I DO get angry. WE REAP WHAT WE SOW. All you do will come back to you. If the words scare you, they should. Life is not a game to be played impulsively, but it is to be embraced and cared for with caution. We should always acknowledge the past, then examine the present in order to insure a better future. What we deliberately choose to ignore can and will hurt us. I learned that the hard way. Other people have to make their own mistakes. I can't even understand why the fuck I stick to my principles. Compassion really fucks you up in the head you know? You end up being civil to the people who you should be hating. You end up caring about what happens to them when you really shouldn't because maybe they're a bunch of assholes and bitches anyway. I don't even have the time nor the energy to hate someone for my own good. One thing is for sure: I also do not have the time to be nice to someone who says one thing but obviously means another. The one thing I can't stand is when people apologize for shit that they did not do or had no control over. If a guy fucks up, it's his place to feel bad about it and live with it for the rest of his life. No one else should be carrying HIS guilt or apologizing for HIS decisions and HIS actions. That person is responsible for the things he has done, and those actions will not simply disappear. People make me laugh, they honestly do. All of us are living in a constant state of denial and deliberate blindness just so we can feel a little bit happy. Well I am happy on my own. I have a mind and heart. I actually treasure the education my parents slaved for and nearly killed themselves to give me, and I actually have some of my own dreams free of attachments to anyone else. This was not always the case. I can see how much I would have been throwing away back then and I'm glad I didn't throw it all away. Apologies can mean something, but it sickens me that the majority of the time they are just bullshit. If you feel bad about something and you played a major role in making yourself feel that way, I cannot maintain my sympathy for you. I need to wash my hands of this. I care too much about others. I need to be more self absorbed. I'm FINALLY worrying about my own feelings now. No one has the right to use me to make themselves feel better. I can't talk to certain people anymore because I've run out of nice things to say to them. They have annoyed me with the fact that they only care about absolving their own guilt and not much else. I need no sympathy -I'm fine on my own, so don't give me that bullshit. I find it interesting how people can say "nail yourself to your fucking cross" and then later try to be nice as if there's no hostility. I have no energy left to deal with this crap. I also don't forget what people say and do. Live with what you do and don't apologize just so you can feel better or feel more secure. If you don't like what's happening to you right now or how you're feeling right now, or how things are affecting others in your life, DO SOMETHING about it. Don't just whine and complain. If you did something wrong or if you did something you KNOW would make others upset, DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. If you're feeling bad for something that was out of your control, get a fucking grip on reality. Some of us are lucky that SOME of us can maintain civility up to a certain point. Apologies are so utterly false. We should never even say "I'm sorry" because most of the time we aren't sorry. Saying you feel bad about something and then CONTINUING to do that shows that you're just full of shit. Either don't apologize, or stop what you're doing. You can't have both. And yes I wrote this with some other intent behind it. This is a public forum and I know who can and will read it. I need my closure and if I have to be a bitch to someone else to get it, I will. 011110 what's it to you? who go blather from