Q relating to, affected by, or resembling mania 000819
brianW ...I was still depressed,
they put me on Paxil, a
n anti-depressant
they later increased the dosage
...and i went into a manic state..
it was sooo weird,
for a week no sleep (maybe just 3 days)
talking none stop. i felt depressed if i didn't say what
was strangely on my mind.
my thoughts were strange...
according to the staff,
and to the other kids i look back on it,
and i wish
i wish could do it all over again.

my thoughts DID make sense
to ME...still do
Tybay describes the denial that everyone faces 010506
k mania!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's powerful and overbearing and unbelievably cool. 010716
scarlett Anyone who says that mania is cool obviously has never experienced it. I have manic-depression and it is hell! I spent 5 years rotating between a tizzy and the floor. Happy. So happy. I could not stop. Floor is dirty, let it be clean. I had to go like a tweaker overload. Sleep is for humans and I am a god. Today I shall rid the world of paper. Then you fall. HARD. Oh, my god! The world is over. I am going to kill myself. I want to sleep. Ah, sleep is good. Sudden release of days awake. I want to take that blade to my arms so many time that I can drink the blood like wine. I am a piece of shit stuck to someone's shoe. Feel the shape of the tread as they cringe and scrape me off. Then it begins again. I went through that for 5 years straight and now I can think. I have found my pretty little pills to make it go away. I HATE MANIA! 010726
unhinged a week ago it would have depressed me that i am having three one-sided conversations because everyone i am talking to has someone better to talk to, but being manic the past few days it's only mildly depressing. 011121
roomite i have been hospitalized three times for manic/depression. well, for mania anyway. much time lost and the terror of believing that God given talents had been lost forever. at least now i no longer fear having to restart my business from scratch - i've done that often enough.

and yet, if i could control this thing, i would do it again. if i could live that close to God and not burn my wings each time...
phil I had been arrested once already and was now out attacking cars with rocks and ripping trees. The world was spinning in circles and I was chasing after it, very angrily. When I woke up, and looked out my window, I could tell. 020717
.flowerock I used to feel this way quite often between feeling sad and flat... I rarely feel this anymore. in fact I'm not sure what would make me feel that way... just bubbling with uncontrollable joy and ecstatic energy... I used to just bounce around the house squeaking and jumping and go run outside and just feel like everything was amazing and like I couldn't handle how crazy and intense I felt, but in a good way... it just happened out of no where mostly... now I feel anxious, scared, nervous, stressed... I don't feel spontaneously ecstatic anymore, I get spontaneously depressed and stressed instead. It's like I'm afraid to be excited, or maybe I don't remember how, is it a chemical thing? 170226
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