played_a_part
Dafremen What It's Like To Be The Bad Man
(Played a Part)
R. Dafremen

When I hurt you
Did you think I meant it?
Somehow you make it feel that way
And I can't bear the way that weighs
Upon my heart, upon my mind
Can't bear the thought that somehow
In time, you might be lost to me
Cuz I was playing foolishly
The cost of delving into me and finding
Ways of saying things that aren't there
Looking upon the ones I care about
With a derogatory sneer upon my words
Who would have thought I had it in me?
I never knew that I could kid me
Into playing such a part
I was the phantom of the opera
Twisted disciple of that mantra
Of a hateful way of living that's a lie
But when I look into your eyes that melts away
The actor in me stops his acting
For a moment's empathy
Touches on the real in me
The me in me that cannot bear what I am doing
Begs me "Stop!"
I suppose I could have
Guess that I should have left my curiosity at the door
But the sleuth in me still had to know some more
How would you react
If I pushed you to the brink?
What happens when my acting
Is the way somebody thinks?
Would you still find some compassion
For their hardened heart?
Would you look beyond the words
To find the actor of the part they play?
Would you still find your eyes all misted up
With tears and filled with longing
To ease some stranger's pain
Though he lashed out at you?
And though the hurting wasn't in me
I still played the role
Still watched the scene unfold
Because I knew that in this testing lay the key
The key to understanding why these
Crude hypocrisies
Can bring the kindest to his knees
Can turn the sweetest of people
Into the meanest of people
Why the antagonist antagonizes
And why the public so despises
Something I feel only sadness for
For a lonely figure beating at
The lonely door that is his habitual reaction
To a lifetime of pain.

This wasn't me
I hope you see that now
I hope that you can brush aside all doubt
And you'll believe me now
For I played a part I've never felt
Felt your cold rejection dealt to me
As I never have before
It's a pitiful thing to be the one
Behind the lashing out
It's as sad as I imagined to be hurting
And to have the shouting
Avalanche
To have the ones you need
Become your enemies
Because they can't look beyond
The cold hard words and try to see
A harsh reaction often hides unhappiness
Masks a tenderness
That may have been there all along
In that frozen heart may be a song
Whose icy words bely its tender notes
A melody awaiting sweet release
To be brought on by patient caring
From the world beyond
I felt so blue to finally know
From watching you yell as you spoke
That a man whose snide derision
Masks a lump within his throat
And whose hardened heart
Must someday turn to stone
May walk without the tenderness he seeks
But rather, walk alone in his calamity.
021126
...
. It WAS you because you chose to play the part. That makes you an asshole whether you acted like that to the outside world or not. 021126
...
Dafremen Glad the poem moved you to SOME sort of emotion. Sorry it wasn't a more positive one, but then again I suppose it wasn't a very positive poem, was it? For that matter it wasn't a very positive thing to do, but it needed to be done, at least for MY piece of mind and in my search for a solution to society's ills, I took a strange and beastly path. That DOESN'T make me a beastly person, whether you like it or not, it really doesn't. I did something shameful. As I said, that doesn't make me beastly, it makes me ashamed. The retaliation that you have done in anonymity makes me sad for you. I don't mean that in a condescending or a patronizing way either. I mean that it is just more of what I have seen again and again, more of what I MYSELF have done again and again. It is what is destroying society and creating cold blooded killers. It is a kneejerk reaction that we have to anything unsavory or disapproved of and I wish for it to stop. It is a disease...a Dafremen disease and we are both able to stop it with something as simple as empathy or the decision to turn it away. I feel your disgust, and it is about as valid as any feeling could be.

I hope you will get over it, or walk away from the situation or person (me) that makes you feel it. You deserve better than to feel disgust. I'm terribly sorry for having had anything to do with you having those feelings.
021127
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from