my_frozen_world_without_you love & hate It is so cold, here in my world. The world with which is filled with heartbreak and despair. The world i am forced to live in. The tears i cry seem as though they would freeze from the lack of anything else that is good. I am so alone, without your voice, without your kisses, without anything but memories which you choose to erase. Memories of the happiest time of my life which you throw away as though they are garbage, horrible things which you do not want to keep. You are trying to forget me. Why do you do this. Why are you doing this. Was i not good enough. Was i not loyal, did i not love you enough. Love was never a problem for me. For you, in came so easily out of my heart, out of my soul. That is all i have given this world and that is all i ever will. This world does not deserve anything else but my love for you. Is it not strong enough to pull us through. Is it not strong enough to keep us together. Is it not pure enough for you to forget the boundaries which are labelled on you as a child. Did i not treat you right, did i not care enough about you. Was i so selfish as to not think of you enough even though you were on my thoughts every second of every day. You still are, i still love you. This love cant fade. I dont know whether its because i am stubourn and refuse to give up, or is it because the love i feel for you is so pure, so beautiful, so heavenly as you are to me. I dont understand anymore. What is the purpose of living. Some say it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Obviously, that person had never been in love and then lost it. Your entire world as you know it falls away. Everything that you thought was real, that you could touch, dissapears like the clouds. Everything does not have meaning. There is no reason to wake up in the morning, there is no reason to eat anymore, there is no reason to speak anymore, there is no reason to sleep anymore. All is lost when you loose something so pure, so innocent that it cant be anything else but good. The pain is unbearable. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, it renches as though there is an animal inside scratching, trying to escape. My head is full of thoughts of you, both happy and sad. My mind craves those thoughts, craves the picture of your face, craves the moments when you were mine and i was yours. My heart feels not just bruised and battered, it feels as though it has frozen over. But it doesnt feel cold, it just feels dead and lifeless. It feels like it is not beating anymore. It feels as though it may not even exist anymore and i am just a heartless zombie walking around, smiling when people smile at me, layghing when someone makes a joke and crying every other moment when i am by myself. My heart is screaming, lifelessly screaming for you. The noise which it makes is deafening. Like a screaching that never ceases. And all the while, i have to sit here and pretend that every thing is alright. That i'm fine, that i'm happy, that i want to be where i am, that i want to continue living. Life is meanigless, utterly defeating. You live to die, that i believe, but its the pain that occurs during that time is what kills you the most. Makes you dead inside, makes your thoughts want to stop, makes your heart want to stop and makes your stomach keep clenching from the pain that comes from within. I cant breathe, i cant speak, i cant listen, i cant do anything but cry. Lie in bed, all alone in the darkness with tears streaming down my face and crimson tears streaming down both of my arms. I cant do this anymore, i need you, i need you to help me, i need to be able to help you. I know how it feels, i dont want you to feel that, i want to make life as happy as possible for you so you never have to feel how i do now. Please listen to me, please trust me, please believe in our love and what we could have because without it, i am wasting away. Becoming a noone, just existing. Finding it harder to breathe, harder to smile at people who walk past me, harder to speak to anyone and harder to sleep at night without you in my arms. Only we can make this happen, otherwise i wil continue to be all alone, in a sea of faces in this cold world which my head has created since i've lost you. 040509 what's it to you? who go blather from