is_there_such_thing_as_too_much_insight kookaburra when you disect your personality and know your neuroses by heart analyze your thoughts so there will be no revelations nobody can tell you anything about yourself that you don't already know i'm a victim of too much free time and an overactive mind i know too much to be surprised when the good doctor tells me what's wrong it sucks because i've thought this through what do you become when you begin to deny all aspects that make you you? well, you become me of course it's like those old couples that have talked everything through and now have nothing to say i know myself too well, and i'm starting to get annoying 041029 ... neesh i_like_the_way_you_think, kookaburra. there are a couple of ways to go from where you're at. one would be stay right where you are, but it gets boring. another would be know everything about everyone around you. knowing other people is pretty easy once you know yourself. but it's possible that they get annoying then too, if they're not nice people, or even if they are but you're frustrated because you know them so well and they don't know you (i find that with family). the next step then would be to change everything you don't like, not just in you, but to help the people around you. nobody's perfect or ever will be, but aiming there is a good idea, i think. don't settle or become set in one way at so young an age, kookaburra. things'll keep on changing for a good few years yet, though it does seem you're years faster than i was. and if you can achieve all this, you've done better than i managed, but i'm glad to say i've tried/am trying. and what makes me so qualified to advise or recommend? well, in a few weeks time i turn nineteen, i'm OLD (and decaying too). 041029 ... Syrope im so much happier with myself than i used to be that still doesnt mean im ok 041029 ... unhinged love isn't something you can teach that a doctor can put in a pill and just with the contraction of a muscle we are happy i dissect myself. and obsess over every little black and hateful piece. and i'm so busy looking and magnifying all that bad shit, analyzing and reconstructing, that i never notice when i've made any steps toward being better. fixated with the negative, the only thing worth thinking about being the stuff i need to improve. when i play the violin, when i write, with school, with relationships, always what i do wrong and never what i do right. the best advice anyone ever gave me about being myself is that we are all architects of our own reality. the term reality being a very subjective thing, the root of it making it very misleading. it took me years of living to cast aside my need to get people to like me. and that 'learn to love yourself' bullshit is nothing but that, bullshit. i am just attracted to selfish jealous people. i want to change the world, make everyone in it happy. so of course i go for the ones that look like they need it the most. and they are always the ones that spit on me. you can't make someone love you if they don't want to, and you can't love yourself if you don't want to. there is a little bundle of constructs, maybe our 'soul' even, that binds all six billion odd people on this planet together as HUMAN. the genetic, the instinctual, the emotional material of every person on planet is 99% EXACTLY THE SAME. i guess i'm more of a communist than i used to be. the_bodhisattva_vow 041030 ... kookaburra neesh, that's a good idea... a really good idea... a really realllllllyyy good idea... thanks, and don't decay too quickly 041031 ... Syrope the idea that someone can care about me, have access to every thought that crosses my mind, and not see how the two are related just... boggles me. if i write that i think i've made a huge mistake by talking to you about what irritates me without making you realize that you are the exception to every rule i've ever made, broken, obeyed, and ignored, that i've committed the crime i find particularly heinous: making you unsure of who you are and what it's alright to be around me, what will happen? either way i'm a tyrant, either way i've let you down. and now that it's written, what now? i can't write that i want flowers for the fear that you might bring me flowers. i can't not write about flowers if i want them because then you might never bring me flowers. in fact, now that i've written this, you can't ever. isn't that perfect? make sens.e 041103 ... minnesota_chris it makes your heart hurt. Ignorance is bliss, it's true. But insightful people can help people. 041103 ... . . 050604 what's it to you? who go blather from