why_on_earth_do_i_torture_myself_with_music rostrums give me the creeps Wouldn't I still breathe if I had glass in my lungs? 020408 ... silentbob sometimes i use it to feel 020408 ... Very scared of the brightness Sometimes its the other way around 020408 ... yummychuckle my mood matches my clothes matches my soundtrack for the day and today i have on a very dramatic black poet/peasant top. I'm listening to portishead right now and I walk with a long tired stride. "so tired. of playing...playing twith this bow and arrow. I'm gonna give my heart away, leave it to the other girls to play. for I've been [temptuous?] too long. just... give me a reason to love you. give me a reason to beeee... a woman. i just wanna be a woman." 020408 ... smiths tape birdmad i wear black on the outside because black is how i feel on the inside 020408 ... Piso Mojado my heart races, my breathing quickens, while i listen to psytrance, waiting (dying) for the next full moon gathering 040523 ... Piso Mojado my heart races, my breathing quickens, while i listen to psytrance, waiting (dying) for the next full moon gathering 040523 ... blown cherry It's a viscious cycle. Being depressed makes me want to listen to certain songs or certain cds, if only it weren't the ones that make me even more depressed. Music has the power to lift me, but that is not the type of music I can bear to listen to when I'm feeling so down. I need some kind of external control to end this cycle of torture. Some kind of lever on the side of my neck would be nice. 040524 ... djane because music is the embodiment of my emotions and thoughts. i wouldn't consider it torture... its more of a release. it can be healthy to wallow in our frustrations and miseries (especially when the song only lasts about 4 minutes and at the end, you're ready for something a little more uplifting) 041109 ... Lila Pause It's always a mistake to listen to Elliott_Smith should you happen to be actually feeling non-suicidal that day. 041109 ... n o m e e why_not the moon? 101103 ... re_alisma why_indeed. music is in large part communication, even if it is a kind of abstract_group_communication, or creative_conjuration_instantaneous_messaging_action, which can both be feats of nature. although it can have a pretty different effect for the listener, as well. as i was explaining to myself earlier today, painting differs in that it is in large part inspiration. it's not more inspired, but it describes more directly inspiration itself. a "t" at the end of "pain" as was explained on some pbs children's show that i saw years ago. with music, there's instruments. with painting, there's materials and tools. that might be the main thing about them. the way we go about them. but again, it is so different for the listener or the viewer. i have heard that music is alchemical. i would favor that role as belonging to painting -- the changing of materials into definite and lasting inspiration... but there is a lot of room here for counter interpretation. i do believe that one should wiggle on out of torturing yourself with music, if you can. you can? more than painting, you can, if you haven't sold out to the unpainted visions of bliss and transcendence in the music. paint dries, to be framed or put to the side or thrown away. and you always have to live with that. kind of like today i couldn't throw away my poems from years ago. they do have to be removed from a main_shelf, so i guess they're going in the storage_trunk. i digress. maybe what i'm expressing here: a painting_pretty_high_priority. yet i've never painted a thing, only considered it, because i honestly wouldn't know what to do with them. there doesn't seem to be enough space in my environment or among my peers for painting. there certainly is an argument you could make with me here (every artist would), but i did feel that i had to make the distinction for myself, earlier today. of course, you could certainly make the_moon your pretty high priority. i guess you could do a lot of things. (but not anything and everything) pain t and mu sic ram ble what do i know? what's it to me? what would it or could it be? 101103 ... j.a.n.e. knives_out everything_reminds_me_of_her showdown moonlight_mile 101104 ... re_alisma oh, well. i shall write it in my Big Book of Things that Seem to Matter: nom, Libra Generation, unconfirmed. i ask because i'm also a Libra Generation Pluto. what people represent themselves to be among people whom they regard is what concerns them, and if they're not Libra, they're not necessarily overly focused on the need to be Libra-esque. if they are Scorpio Generation, and have a Libra bent, then their Libra energy might be a lot more evenly played, i would even say it would be more pure, but the rock-bottomline would be how they feel, not necessarily how they interact. sorry for being obtrusive, but i do think it would be fascinating if nom's particular Pluto were right on the line between them. i think i would then place her as a very authentic Mars type, with Venus just important enough to sweeten the pot. it would mean her considerable talents are very directed along first-inspiration. first thought, best thought. not at all foolish, really, but the album title might be a good moniker for an impetus of this type. everybody blather-entangled should listen to the album, and not only once or twice. it's gentle and potent, both, and that ambience is welcomed more and more as the album is repeated, and it suits the fall, particularly. me, i'm, for the most part, putting my artistic opportunities to waste. nom really isn't, wherever her Pluto might be sitting. 101107 ... . harglaglarglarharglaglarglar din_da_da_dun_doe_doe_din_da_da_dun_doe squishyfishy fishysquishy reach_around squidfish come_again bannana_bannana cucumber_eggplant caviar_papiya giant_asperigus oooo_oooo squash sandra_shaw people_i_want_to_lick what_the_hell oh_my_god_what_the_fuck_are_you_ok omgwtfruok squishyfish s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101107 ... n o m e e 1980 virgo on the cusp of leo amy, libra gen confirmed, and i have much more to say, but i need to sleep oh_dear_blather and i waste my time more than i want to 101108 ... re_alisma thanks nom... i think you do have some of what i described, just not in so direct a fashion as i thought... your birthday is close to my sister-in-law's. i would be quite interested in your thoughts, but only if you have time.... my email is entered, just in case. ( because blather might not be an okay way to go, if you did want to carry it further.) 101108 what's it to you? who go blather from