last_year PinkSnowStorm Last year was a horrible year for me. After it was all over, I realized my friends weren't really my 'friends'. I realized that I could've committed suicide, and they would probably have acted surprised. Wussy though it sounds of me, and pitiful though it is, I used to draw bold, thick, black ink lines on my wrists. As if I needed a guideline or something. I prayed that someone would notice my artwork and ask me about it. But they never had the chance, because I pulled my sleeves over them. But what about that one week? For a whole week, every day, in algebra class, I'd cry for at least fifteen minutes. Sob. Yeah, sure, they asked me if I was feeling okay the first day, but then after that, they didn't even look at me. Ironically, now that I'm "acting normal again", they come to me when, say, their parents have been arguing. And they'll say "Don't tell anybody". I wish someone had sat across from me when I needed to talk about why I was upset, about how it felt to be in my body. I wish someone had held me in their arms and let me cry until I didn't have the strength to anymore. Now, this year, I get to face the people that pretty well left me in the dust. Every school day. The only people that would actually listen to me talk about my dad were two very wonderful people online. But at least I had someone at all. I'm so thankful for that, but I still can't forget how my "friends" in real life seemed to forget that I existed. 010205 ... ClairE I didn't know you, and to this day last year, I was still with him, and I didn't have this cold sea of boys standing behind me. I wasn't standing looking off the dock. 020104 ... mona loves you around this time last year I would have been sitting in American History with my best friend Katie to my right, Scott (who liked me) to my left, Nick (who I liked and now like again) in front of him and Kurt (my prom date and old friend full of sexual jokes) in front of me. this time last year I would have been thinking how I like Nick and how I wish Scott would stop looking at me. It was only one date, if you could even call it that. I would be thinking how prom was quite an interesting night and I am glad that Kurt and I didnt do more than we did. I would be thinking how all I want to do right now is tell Katie all these things I am thinking. and then I would start laughing because I have the most hilarious history teacher. this year I dont have history. I am in study hall writing this for you all to see. I am sitting here thinking how a lot of things come full circle. I like Nick again... for awhile there we didnt talk to each other. Kurt moved away over the summer and I miss him more than anything, he really was one of my best friends. I still want to tell Katie what I am thinking right now. And Scott, well... that kid wont even say Hi to me, I think I pissed him off or something. I dont know. 030513 ... Dana Carson i could almost smell it: the warm coffee aroma in the early morning, as i got ready to go to work (guess it, my dream job). i'd go outside on the balcony that overlooked the far outskirts of the beautiful city. my car parked in the garage, and my apartment neat and my cat playfully brushing up against me... my girlfriend wishing me good luck on the project as i kissed her goodbye and walked out the door. a 20-minute drive later i'd be downtown, in my office, ready for a brand new day.... 061023 ... unhinged was the weirdest year of my life but it seems i built up some good karma 061024 ... beulahry oh lord it was decadent. 061025 what's it to you? who go blather from