ignored
peyton We only talked that one time, and this is what I felt like

I knew we were strangers, but I got barely a hello.

And I only sent one letter.. I felt like I shouldn't have sent any

I guess shE didn't find me interesting after all
011221
...
Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge it wasnt
[I]g nor [E]d
that lost me

[IE, i just left]
011222
...
jestification what the fuck?
have i been replaced?
was that a frown?
am i no more?
must your friends even mispronounce my name?
i didn't mean to throw away the friendship....i swear....i miss...anything from you.
and she.
she didn't ignore me.
what?
i should stop the analyzing before i exhaust myself.
011222
...
ignore ants 011222
...
distorted tendencies Please find me again. 011223
...
peyton kay.. here's a hint

If you contacted me to inquire if you were the one I was talking about when I wrote about ignored, you're not the one I was talking about :)
011224
...
-.:.::eric::.:.- What a fun word, one of my favorites. It covers such a vaste expanse of meaning, like all good words should. 020407
...
emily the second the moment I saw him I saw in him everything I had ever looked for in another human being. and as he looked back at me he saw something in me that made him pause. we spoke for hours, about humanity, the universe, he explained things to me I had only dreamed of, made me hungry for life, hungry to dig the deepest hidden corners of his mind and lick out every sweet drop.

the love I had for him is difficult to describe, hardly love at all though I desired him with all my heart: it was his mind, his word, his every gesture i craved so, not his body or his caresses.

two weeks later we stood, near the beach at our summer camp, for the last time. he told me goodnight, that he'd see me in the morning.

but that night he was in the wrong place at the wrong time...

i spent the morning in tears, i cried out every last bit of what I had inside me until there was an ache just beyond my eyes that made me wander like a zombie without him by my side.

i never saw him again.

with a distant look in his eyes he had told me that in a few years we wouldn't even remember eachother, and this chapter in our lives would be forgotten.

bullshit.

he ignored me. ignored me. for so long. call after call, email after email, all sent into a black abyss of uncaring and indifference. later he told me it was because we had to move on. he wanted to forget that night, blamed himself for being in that place, wanted to forget. forget me, and everything else that happened those 2 weeks of heaven.

but he didn't tell me this.

he simply sat in silence, wishing me to go away.

i dont hate him. he is the only truely wise human being I've had the honor of knowing. if I hadn't met him, and shared what we did, I don't think I'd have any faith left in humanity.

but such a stony wall of silence left its mark on me, in the form of thin white scars streaking my stomach and legs.

he might forget, but i don't think i ever could.
020818
...
phil how do I get beyond my own feelings
do I copy you?
030327
...
Jason Reed I'm use to being ignored.

This doesn't mean I like it, I'm just use to it.
031010
...
Sunny You can learn to ignore being ignored. I accept it. The funny thing is people would say that I'm never ignored, but I feel I am...maybe I'm just a black hole sucking everything into me. 040316
...
pete when in her eyes i become invisible... 040316
...
Maria This is what I am. 071010
...
Soma you are such best friends.
i will never come between you.
in my own apartment
my voice is not heard.
i will never be between you.
091007
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from