i_could_die nocturnal I could seriously fucking die right now. I got insanely drunk friday night, I'm talking had a conversation on the phone with johnny for hours and remember almost none of it. I literally lost count after 2 martinis. I can't for the life of me remember anything that went on that night. so that night was my friend dave's birthday and I apparently sent him 2 emails. sadly, I think he got both of them, but I'm afraid to ask him. the first one said, "good thing you have Sara G. cuz you couldn't get anyone else. good thing you're in love with her." why?! why did I say that?! he's gonna be so pissed at me, that shit's not even true. he's not a bad guy once you get past the cocky asshole facade. and he's the kind of guy that would be sensitive about that kinda stuff, too. FUCK! I don't wanna have to face him over christmas. I feel so bad. why?! why do I drink?! I must be stopped. oh, and just so you know, I should be dead or at least in prison right now. I drove while in this condition. I don't remember driving. when I came back home, I literally fell out of my car. I am so lucky to be able to be here right now. I scare the shit out of myself. 011202 ... ClairE Deep down we are all the shit. Sometimes life is bad. Sometimes it is good. "I'm rooting for you", I'd like to say, but don't want to make it sound obnoxiously cheerful and/or patronizing. Today has got to be my worst day in a long while. love: an ocean of his neck and his laugh and my own self-hatred. 011202 ... go toot but should_i 011203 ... anti-social butterfly think i had similar experiences as you this weekend nocturnal. got shitfaced friday night, still hearing about things i did that i don't remember. said things that really hurt some people i care about. then, after i finally started to feel better got fucking drunk again on saturday night. which i can't remember very much of either. all i know is that i drove on saturday night. i have never driven drunk ever ever. it is one of my five principles i have in my life. i could have died or killed someone else. one of my friends told me that i reeeeeally have to quit drinking, or at least not as much. at first i was upset, but now i know he is right. why do i continue to drink? why do i drink too much? after friday and saturday night, i should most certainly be dead. why i am i not? i suck. 011203 ... roomite... last time i did that, i tore up the main drag of a small town and lost my driver's license for a year. some of us have to learn the hard way... 011203 ... SuicidalAngel I too drove drunk/high Saturday night. Seems to be a theme. 011203 ... nocturnal let's all stop. not drinking, that's a bit drastic ( at least for me ). but my new goal in life is to never drive drunk again. I used to strictly follow a very successful system: I knew my safety zone was 3 beers, so that's how much I could drink and still be straight sober and good to drive. regardless of how sober I felt ( even if I really was ) after 4, I wouldn't allow myself behind the wheel. I'm going to do my very best to go back to that policy. no more driving stoned, either. did that over thanksgiving holidays. it was bad. but that's another story. anyway, let's all stop driving drunk. otay? I need help. 011203 ... SuicidalAngel I really dont drink all that much though, usually just a beer or two because I usually just smoke weed. I dont know how I can't drive though cuz usually the parties aren't in my neighborhood, and I have to get home! I can't crash at other peoples' houses all the time! I try to wait till I come down a little, but the bowl keeps goin around and they keep lighting the hookah and they keep passin the beer, it's hard to say no, but I do it, when I know I'll be driving home soon, and it sucks! 011203 ... pat sajaks ghost you will die 020615 ... bird of constant sorrow not so much bothered by the final destination as by the possible quality of the trip 020615 what's it to you? who go blather from