healing_dreams flowerock Dreams turn the soul inside out and force me to grow and disallow anything but a full examination of the truth. The past might be in the past but memories are the paths and stairs we climb and stalk to the future. In the present we should take care not to get lost or trip over pebbles of hate, doubt, resentment, or illusion. Let go of feelings that make you a victim in cages and boxes of your own design, you build that lock and chain, you can then also pit together the keys to open them and walk away towards a better place. You can leave th e past better than you left it even. You can clear out the dust you let it leave on your heart and mind's eye. You can giggle at how absurd your perceptions and reactions were in certain instances, you really let yourself feel defeated by THAT? Oh how silly, how sad... I am so glad that I am able to see and love and laugh and keep building these paths, repairing steps and moving logs out of my way incase I want to go back and climb a different hill for a better view, to better understand the present through the past and choose the direction that will bring me to the future I want. I am very fortunate for the love that I have, the opportunities that await me, the abilities that I can further develope, the strength I have, the tools available, the little things and the big things. I can climb these mountains and run the hottest sands, I can pull myself from the holes I will fall into time to time and come out stronger. I will never take for granted my loving lover or sweet Goa. I will appreciate everyone and everything and let love fuel my destiny. I don't quite know what to do with mind babble and energy I feel lately... but it's a good thing and I am both excited and terrified of what and why is to come.in life. Either way, the way to handle it is to remain in the present and view all else from there, bring it back into h e r e. 150703 ... flowerock I let negative experiences of the past weigh me down and effect the way I acted in the present for a long time. I am still rebuilding myself and how I act and speak and process things, but I am letting go of some of that weight. Recently I made friends with my mom again and accepted that she may never be the pleasant loving mother I wanted, but that she does love me and can only be who she is and who she is is her choice. I made peace in myself about my last relationship, scars of perceived abuse and the pain of things we went through together and did to eachother. I visited my mom and had a good time. I spent time talking with my ex about the past and the present. I reminded him that I still believed in him and that should carry some weight because as his ex wife I sincerely did strongly dislike him for a long time and we used to scream at eachother almost daily, but still, I see hope and he should too. I see the present and my heartmate and the love I have now. I appreciate him, us, life... I realize that with all this letting go and forgiving of such heavy things that any little spat we may have now is just a feather and I can let it go quickly, adress the issue ASAP so that it doesn't grow. Nurture this love and now, forgive quickly and build consciously. Walk together in this journey. 150703 ... flowerock I say perceived_abuse... this is not to say what happened with my mom or ex was acceptable or ok in any way, I still have healing to do and things to really let go, but I am saying perceived because I feel that if I let go of these things being abuse out of my control and final in any way, then I will never be truly_ok I need to see it from all angles and understand that I could have changed my situation but chose to stay in my mother's home and married to that man, I could have left, I stayed. I had something to learn, maybe... or maybe I just have something to heal now... Any way I ramble. I am healing and healing_well now. I am so relieved and excited. 150703 what's it to you? who go blather from