this_chapter sabbie yes, i am a generous girl all i have you have all taken. and if you're going to take my all i might as well give it away then i can pretend that i had, that i have, a say in it. take it all im giving it all away an empty warehouse shell of a girl cavernous and hollow nothing but echos of who has gone before. covered in the stains of someone elses life. blood and paint and broken glass there's blood on the floor my love and it's staining my feet as i walk. 030303 ... whitechocolatewalrus you take my hand in yours saying nothing at all and it'll be okay the night pours on the sky covered in moon just walking and thinking one and one we are we just like one whispering to stars brightly shining not worrying about the next minute the next life i want to hold you in my arms entangled in you and we will be one so far we walk to the edge of the universe i think i can see inside dreams are so much nicer. 040313 ... sirflaccid has yet to be written. 050201 ... unhinged . 051003 ... rage should be better why doesn't that comfort me? 051004 ... misstree appears to be closing and claws at me to be written so that it will have been worth it. 051004 ... unhinged i look at all the chapters i've etched here and right now none of them seem worth it simple variations on the same stupid unending theme my underlying cause forever producing the same effect living with one's parents in a stupid shithole town with nothing to do and no one to talk to certainly makes for some lonely and depressing nights 051005 ... SleepieCloud blood_red_sharpie "I love you. I fucking love you" And you can't hear anything else he is saying because those words have erased anything he might have said before or after. They're beating in your head, like a racing pulse, like a migraine. You can't be aware of anything else. You've waited weeks and months and years for those words from that boy. And you can't speak and you can't think. And so you go to see him. and again. and again. and it's good, but the feeling that he lied, or he meant something else, lives in every thought and colors every word you hear. You can't think about this properly anymore, because one part of you keeps hearing those words, those words you've wanted and waited and hoped for, but never believed possible. And you've heard them and part of you still believes those words from that boy about you are impossible. But you have to act as if they're real. You can't do anything else, the chance is to much to pass up. So you break rules that you've held for years. Every rule you've made for hiding and covering over the way you feel about him, you break it. You show him what he means to you and you tell him that you've loved him for five years now and have been waiting, hopelessly hopeful. And two things can happen now. You can find out he meant something else, he misspoke, or just plain lied. Or you could find out that he meant it, that he loves you and that you never have to be afraid again. But from now on, he will know how much he means to you and even if the words weren't real, yours were and you have to wonder if you're strong enough to put back the barrier you tore down so willingly. 080705 ... unhinged this is the beginning of the rest of my life. i'm going to do what they told me i couldn't do. i'm going to go where they told me i couldn't go. they will all be jealous. they will all lay up at night thinking of all their dreams_unfulfilled ; and i will do what i can to be happy. fuck_this_noise fuck_your_noise fuck_their_noise i do what i want bitches 080706 ... unhinged . my_american_dream isnt the pursuit of happiness, its the happiness itself off_the_grid under_the_radar 140611 what's it to you? who go blather from