howfuckedupisit unhinged this will show my real age to all that listen that i don't want the stable relationship that every girl longs for. i feel like he's going for marriage here and i've only had one boyfriend my entire life. that i don't like being put on this goddamn pedestal. "you are so beautiful. i want to be with you in every spare moment. i miss you when you aren't around. i can't get any work done because all i do is think about you." i mean what do you really think about? you don't know who i really am. you don't know where the scars came from. you don't know how volatile and unstable i am. and that's just it. i am very much so and you want something stable, some kind of commitment. you're in love with some kind of idea that doesn't exist. you said you wanted to get to know me but you only took the time to get to know the endearing parts. what about all the ugly parts? what about the hurt and pain. you holding me while i'm crying doesn't tell you anything because you were the one that was making me cry. i never want to hear you say "i will always be here for you." first of all that is a lie, and second of all you don't know what you are getting yourself into. i need to be alone. i need to develop some self-worth. you need to learn how to be less impulsive. i'm just a scared little girl. i can't handle this. i need some stepping stones. i could never reach you because you have exposed all the things that scare me about myself. at least jon understood how crazy i was when he said "being suicidal is part of your charm" the only reason i'm not cutting right now is because i will go home soon and i have my violin jury on tuesday. i'm going to hurt you, but that's all life is right? i can't be there for you because i'm not there for myself. 010506 ... sabbie unhinged, your blather made me cry. it sounded so much like a few years of my life, though you seem to be in possession of a far more elequent understanding than i was .:soft smile:. you might not believe this, but you sound so very brave. can i be one of your cheerleaders? 010507 ... unhinged understanding doesn't stop the tears and guilt. sometimes i wish i could walk around ignorant since i can't stand the hypocrisy in the fact that i'm going to do to him all the things i've ever hated done to me. you can be my cheerleader as long as you realize that sometimes all the screaming in the world falls on these deaf ears. :bitter smile: 010507 ... the amazing paperclip skeleton how fucked up is it? to want to be good, but only succeed at making things worse to build someone up while they are tearing you down and in the end to never truly be told why 010507 ... sabbie unhinged, my idea of cheerleaders is, i admit, a little hazy. cant i just sit behind you somewhere and say 'yaa unhinged' enthusisatically sometimes? im not sure screaming would do either of us any good. and some of those fluffy bobble things would be kinda fun, but only when we're not feeling serious. those short skirts are right out thou. my charming sense of fashion has nothing to do with re-hashed netball skirts. i do hope you find this counter offer acceptable. 010515 ... unhinged yeah, no short skirts ick i accept 010523 ... unhinged that after all that, all it ever came down to was lust. typical i suppose. 011012 ... Norm How fucked up I sit? 011012 what's it to you? who go blather from