curled_up_in_a_closet Souless Wanderer Where i used to go with out knowing why. Where i want to be right now. I'm in the same house right now, quite a few years older, no more emotionally mature. I think i've regressed in fact. No emotions at all. But i want to walk up the two flights of wooden stairs, worn from years of 4 children, countless pets, and adults running/walking/skipping up and down. Go up the stairs into my old room, which they converted into a junkroom slowly, with out my knowledge... removing my belongings, erasing me. The first thing to go was the closet. Just the right size for me to bring in a blanket, a couple of pillows, my book and a flashlight. Shutting the world out when i close the door, the magnetic latching finishing the job, blocking out everyone, and everything. Dad saw me once, asked why i was in there. Because i loved it. The first thing to go. I want to go in there now. Step up the 10 inches or drawer underneath, and wrap the space around me. Close the door so its only me and the darkness. See nothing, hear only my breath, inhaling and exhaling in the small space. Maybe find peace for a few minutes. Escape the uncertianity, and pain of the real world, and be the little girl i was for too short of a time. But, the closets still full, and the doors blocked by boxes of girl guide Paraphernalia . Theres got to be a metaphor in there somewhere. 040106 ... bensimon you and your dark rooms. i told you i'd get you your closet back. just wait and i will. in the meanwhile, that's me in the corner. 040106 ... grendel i used to know an old man, a colleague of sorts from work, who joked about the poverty of his childhood... i haven't seen or heard from him in quite some time but here is something he said. It was funnier in the hearing than it may seem either in my retelling or in the reading of it here, but in it's own subtle way it was funny enough upon first hearing. "when i was a boy we lived in a very small house in the midwest just after World War II, it was a small house....a shack, pretty much... with just a couple of separate rooms. I didn't have a closet. Shit, i didn't even have that many clothes, really... all i had was a nail to hang my clothes on. I swore when i grew up i would live in a house with a closet. I'm an old man now, i finally got my closet...... and i haven't come out of it ever since." 040106 ... oldephebe i can so relate SW - 040106 ... oldephebe i mean the whole reading a book in a closet part..shutting out everything..lying in the shallow belly of shadow and despair and yet taking comfort in it and the treasure of words and old second hand books..and shutting everything out..taking pleasure in them..NOT knowing where i was..your words brout it back..i'd really almost forgotten that phase..yeah there was definately a metaphore in there.. later, 040106 ... Piso Mojado part of me didnt come out to play today. 041020 ... autumn I shouldn't be drawn. But am. 041020 ... snow The night held in the palmshells. The heartribbons. Struggle. Dark blankets that chill. But a warmth that satisfies enough grows there in the shadow. there in the shadow... in the shadow.. the shadow... Can you feel me breathing? 050321 ... mourninglight yes 050322 ... Soma Tightly, and almost fetally wrapped Shutting out the words she said, and rocking back and forth legs and my arms tangled together I didn't care to be comfortable I just didn't want I don't want her to find me I don't want her words to find me Curled up in a closet I could almost feel safe and it seemed like only minutes before she pulled open the door and pulled me out yelling at me asking me what the hell I was in the closet for because people weren't supposed to be in closets and I couldn't stay there my last safe haven and she tore it from me she took the doors off and I had no where left to run to... I hope this helps you understand. 060710 ... nom baby mice 060710 what's it to you? who go blather from