push_through_his_chest endless desire "im ok. ok math book. ok work. im fine. im happy. this is great smile smile smile happy. im good it's fine life is fine." she speaks through tears. her arm ran from the top of her thigh to her knee over and over. back and forth. it was beginning to feel warm. friction. "but you're not. . .and that's fine, ellyn" "im fine. im happy. math paper ok." he walked over. he sat beside her on the couch and the cushion sagged and scrunched. he put his hand on her arm, lightly. she flinched. and he pulled away. "leave me alone. im fine" and the tear fell. the way her head was tilted, it fell from her right eye down her nose. and two fell from her left, leaving three dark spots on the jean coloured couch. he brought his thin finger to her wet cheek and wiped the stream left from tear away. she broke down. and the tears came. she collasped onto his slender chest and her wild hair fell into her eyes and she sobbed. and sobbed uncontrollably. because it's never going to be better. and tears. oh how she hates those tears. but life will never be better. and she cried into this chest. . .she pushed so hard. . .she wished it was a pillow and that her head could fall into it. and she could fall forever and no one would see. no one would ever ever see. balls of fists. so tight. nails into her palms. crying. because of the hate. because she wishes she was dead. she prays to jesus. and wakes up in the morning and doesn't understand. . .i just don't understand why he just won't let me go. please just let me go. . . but why should she be that lucky? tears fill holes that pain cannot. and with her light hair in her eyes and inbetween her lashes, she can't see the sweet in life. and with the grey cloth from his sweater clenched her hand, she'll never touch hope. she'll never taste tomorrow. 031008 ... its a mystery i'll never admit how close i came to crying from reading this. 031008 ... no mystery here... my god endless! I actually felt the anthracitic little lump i call my heart..pulse a little..what pathos..what pain..what a clear pure simple..eloquent portrait you have painted.. 031008 ... realistic optimist i don't want to admit how closely this parallels how i've felt lately sometimes, luckily its been tempered with misty sunshine. 031008 ... . push through his chest like a newborn alien 031008 ... endless desire mysteries never do leave names 031008 ... Mr. E That was lovely endless, and i wasn't mocking you, just saying the first thing that popped into my deficient head 031008 ... wingedSerpent Push through my chest because i'm not real. Amalgam of song, prayer, smoke, wasted breath and wishful thinking. Just a ghost of what was never there to begin with. 031008 ... Death of a Rose Don't stop endless, tears are words waiting to push through his chest. 031012 ... ferret oh how i want to 031012 ... Syrope i've cried more types of tears in the past few days than i knew i could...but god, e_d, your words are so beautiful you have something precious 031210 ... Polly no i don't want to 040218 ... not god beautiful. it makes all the stupid shit i've posted sound dumb. 111011 what's it to you? who go blather from