incessantly dallas I play with this thing. 980827 ... FooLmOOn its so much fun and the beads roll back and forth .. try putting them under your tounge. its like magic. run it up and down in and out of your fingers and when u are done let it go and smile 991015 ... Vrykolaka We travel on, this windy winding road called suspicion leads us only towards what we already knew. Why give in when it's obviously so much easier to give out? I'd like to say I learned something from the vast array of mistakes I've slept with but I just swore off gratuitous lying last week and my therapist says it'd be counter productive to scream his name during sex. 000304 ... redmocd after all, the sex wasn't that great. i can't help but feel sorry for the poor sap at times. he sucked in bed. there, i finally said it. yet you suck just as well. why am i here confiding in this hollow box when i'm a boy and not a girl? maybe its because i can't help but incessantly blather to this, this grand experiment in thought control. 020618 ... Valentine The staff is prodding with broken swords and toneless voices. I am not the dull witted child you think I am, and your cellophane antics are tiring - also fueling the impending eruption that is the cause of my journey to the void. 030324 ... eyedream dreams dreams I feel so alone sweetheart 030507 ... estarocks always happening...always...4ever & ever... 040614 ... estarocks always happening...always...4ever & ever...always... 040614 ... krupt it doesnt stop... 050210 ... krupt it doesnt stop... 050210 ... tail-devouring snake things i was told by my mom and stepdad this week: i am selfish i am a manipulative bitch i am a narcissist i am making bad choices i am making worrying choices because i am _, i am raising red flags there's no point in talking to me they have to tiptoe around me i think i'm better than everyone i do what i want to i've said i do whatever i want to i have some likable qualities i am a good mother i am doing a great job at raising my daughter 160529 ... tail-devouring snake they have supported me this past year. conditionally. at a high cost. i have slept under their roof, eaten on their dime, rested while they cared for my baby. at the cost of being told how horrible i am. at being told i am sick, i am wrong, i am not trustworthy, i am bad. 160529 ... flowerock. It's hard to depend on anyone. It's hard to live with parents as an adult. It's hard to be a parent. It's hard to believe it will get better sometimes, but it will. Keep waking up and greeting the day. Keep working towards your happiest_self. Remember_to_forgive others for their judgements, forgive_yourself as well. Everything_with_love, even if it's bitter sometimes. 160529 ... unhinged the world tells me i am not enough and i believe it could i possibly get a break? some break? any break? the corporation i work for treats me like shit then the union i pay to fight the corporation settles and i get nothing just another episode in the on going show that is the 'screw her cause we can' show it happens at work it happens on the bus it happens at home it happens with friends and lovers take take take more more more the depression of incessant effort that never amounts to anything but pain and injustice makes me regret surviving 160530 ... flowerock. Perhaps it is naive and even inconsiderate to say "it will get better". Does it always? Does better really mean anything other than a shift in perception? I hope better is real. I_am_happy but I am not without stress, heartache, or dreams of better days. It takes so much, but maybe that's where we go wrong, stop giving, stop taking, and just let it flow, is that even possible? 160530 what's it to you? who go blather from