panic_attack . . 031212 ... endless des she cannot breathe. run miles and miles in her seat. stutter. damnit the words just wont come out. ring your hands, wrip the paper. she'd scream if only you wouldn't mind. she'd scream but you'd think she was crazy. she's not crazy, she's just too nervous to think. to nervous to move. to scared of failing. my heart beats straight out of my chest i swear you can hear it if you listen. 031212 ... sometimes_she gets nervous 031212 ... Nirvanic Blind Fuck it, if this is how it's gonna end so be it. Force myself to accept this fate. I can't control the tremors but I'm learning to accept. Calm down. Breathe. My heart is beating too fast for relaxed breaths. My finger tips tingle and it's spreading up my arms. My air feels lose, each breath slipping through my rapid heart. I start to sway as my vision fades to black. Get a grip. You can accept it but don't stop fighting. Just make sure you don't die with fear. This is it. This is how I'm gonna die. And I can't think of any last words. Anything I try to say comes out in mumblings and stutters. Everything's moving to fast for me to catch a thought. Nothing can be said to express what I feel. Ironically, besides the fear I feel nothing. I have no last thoughts of things I wish I would've done. Actually, I have no thoughts at all. I hear you speaking to me but there's nothing to say. I can only watch. Watch you, and watch myself, as I fade in to the darkness. 031213 ... Nirvanic Blind .....and here i thought i was making a new blath. I should've known someone would've already started an entry with this title 031213 ... divine Madness the heart is racing.. the mind is confused.. the breath is gone.. Where?What?Who?How?Where?When?How?Who?What? No answers, no sanity.. only chaos 060807 ... Lemon_Soda HAH! HAHAHAAAAAhhhhahahahahahaaaa...ahahaa...ahahhahahahaaa.... *wipes away a tear* That was an amusing thought. Thanks. 060807 ... ungreat I wish that i didn't have these. Going to the boat Nikki was being intense and angry and loud. I was counting in my head. Drinking and driving praying nothing happened and we wouldnt be found dead. I was counting in my head. Will taking me home i got that feeling in the pit of my stomach that he didnt just wanna get me home alright. I was counting in my head. When he undid his belt and i remembered that time that guy took me and meg home and we were in that parking lot and i was trapped, trapped like i was with will no escape in a car doing fifty down 17 seeing the bulge in his pants and feeling like something was expected of me something i didnt want to do. I forgot how to count in my head because all the numbers and thoughts were racing together 1, 25 oh god oh god please get me home alive. My heart was beating i couldnt breath my stomach was in knots and all i could think of was that hallucination and that time in highschool in that parking lot. i was telling myself this is all in your head you know this guy your gunna be all right but every nerve in my body was pulsing screaming to just get home you dont have to do anything you dont want to he cant make me. and i told him he was making me nervous and he asked why. i hadda tell him. i felt like he felt let down thats when i felt like he really had hoped for head. he doesnt know me i'm not easy like that. i'm sorry you thought i should repay you for the ride by sucking your dick, but i'm a lady and im not your lady. and then the nerves in my body stopped pulsing, and i got home and i tried to play it off like its all ok. and i got in my bed and called kim and i felt better and then i laid down my head. and i remembered how to count in my head. i remembered i got home ok and wasnt found dead. I'll remember that i got lucky. 071001 ... . , 071026 what's it to you? who go blather from