happiness_in_a_harness pushpins like the one my bunny rabbit used to have. she hated the thing, and it was hell getting it on her. but once I did, the bitch couldn't hop away so fast. But this time the harness isn't held by me and its not my bunny being held back. and I stand there helpless, afraid of the claws and the jaws of happiness but wanting so bad to rush towards it as it struggles to leap for me. I shuffle my feet and look at the ground now. too ashamed to look up, blushing for the first time in my entire life. coz I got responsibility and guilt waiting for me wherever I go. Its got this MEAN sickle and a grimace that scares the shit outta me. so I'm a bit nervous as far as moving forward goes --and whatnot--. so what do you do when you see a lawnmower sneaking up behind poor harnessed happiness who's tied to a tree and whose only dream is to be in me? I'll sit down and close my eyes feeling the grass scratch at my shins trying in vain to cut me up for ignoring the whimper of happiness dying and her insides splattering in red all over. I just quietly wipe up the mess (~with bounty quicker picker uppers~) and move back into the shadows where I belong. 020228 ... phil There is no reason not to be happy. Happiness can't cause you pain. 020228 ... Logan(Ys) on the outside im always happy, everyone says, "how can you always be in a good mood" I've always said "easy" but now change has hit my life again, I've just recently turned to a new page in my life, that without pot(not by choice)... past few days I've noticed the change, I think about stuff more, and it makes me sad, the only family I have in this country is my mom and bro. never talk to dad.theres this girl... but she lives too far away for me to see except for in the summer... my best friend hates me... the reality of senior year... life is fucking dumb and whatnot, but its also good on the rare occasion, I find happyness in my guitar, and thoughts of a girl on a far away island.(and pizza of course) pot was happyness, but it held back the inner me(whatever the hell that means) so it was a harness as well. im dumb 020228 ... yummychuckle ah my bestfriend hates me, too. er...i mean my TWO exbestfriends hate me. there we go. So I really don't have a bestfriend. or anything. There is nooone to call when i am squeezing an icecube to avoid grabbing my razor. and all those long gaps between the next gasp for air and choked sob are just painful. its a flat of clarity, I see all of the things I am crying for/all of the people, and it gives me a fresh pain. and I curl up involuntarily and choke on my whimpers. and laugh because i remember saying "yeah..I'm a lot happier nowadays." last night. 020228 ... phil Haven't you guys ever heard of hurting OTHER people? 020301 ... yummyC I've done too much of that. Its easier for me to be selfish if I pretend I am the victim. 020301 ... yummyC i think phil is a rather miserable person to know. I'm glad I don't know him. 020302 what's it to you? who go blather from