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drity_white_shirt
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perfectly_chaotic
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While doing my laundry the other day I came across it. As I was about to throw it into the machine, but her scent was still entrenched within the fabric. It was more than I could bare at the moment. I had to choke back tears, run and hide in my bed lest anyone see me like that.
Today the shirt sits in a corner of my room. A reminder that I will never fail to ruin everything.
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110327
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perfectly_chaotic
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shit. my typo is at a bad place. hah. ruined something else again.
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110327
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re_alisma
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that's okay. Dirty reminds me of chrity, which my auto-correct says should be "charity". I think the no-sex thing has caused me to avoid such big ups and downs. of course, I might be missing out on "everything".
In fact I know I AM missing out on everything. That's nothing new.... And thus the appreciate-what-you've-got demons ( or whatever those would be ) seep into my consciousness...
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110327
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re_alisma
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Oops didn't catch autocorrect for "drity".
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110327
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perfectly_chaotic
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I've intentionally taken promenades down Abstinence Alley. While there are many who travel through this dark corridor, they always do so in isolation. I've walked for days upon days without seeing a soul.
Sure, no other heart will tear mine to shreds during such somber strolls, but it does gets pretty damned cold in this alley that I've been banished to.
If I trudge along far enough, the numbness in my feet will work its way throughout my being to leave my energy almost at a halt.
Given the choice, I would rather have my energy dance with that of another. Even if it means stubbing, or even breaking, my toes to learn the steps I have yet to be shown I will learn to tango.
I can appreciate having a broken toe, it reminds me I am human and not some sort of closet monster.
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110327
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re_alisma
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i'm sorry... I probably offended you. I can get on board with energy dancing with others, for sure. But an actual no sex situation has led me pretty far down a pretty moderated path of medium-grade wonder. I'm honestly not too upset about it, don't feel cold at all, but I know that the real life true blue pleasure/energy dance would probably be more ideal, although I can't be sure. Also, a grounded relatedness has the chance of being something different yet again, so I'm not one to rule that out either. Anyway, I see many people get upset sometimes, and I always think, and compare it to my own sometimes too immoderate swinging around non-realized, maybe fake, sex issues. I love people and stuff, I get the message, though, that they would prefer the distance.... save actual and appropriate (sometimes not) sex situations of course! It's not worth being disappointed over, in the longer run. I have no bodily feelings of cold, I swear it.
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perfectly_chaotic
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You haven't offended me, but I am still not washing my shirt today. I am not ready to give up that smell. It simultaneously brings me both pleasure and pain. It is refreshing, with all the distance that people impose, to have a reminder that somewhere, at some point in time, my presence has been desired. Even if it hurts that I am currently undesirable.
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110327
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perfectly_chaotic
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I finished my laundry.
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110331
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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