crying_again Aimee because of something you said. You're my mother for crying in the mud!!! You're supposed to love me unconditionally, and respect me, and try to have a conversation with me. Instead you make me feel like shit about myself, and about being pregnant. I arranged my wedding around you. I've done so much to try and make you happy, but you know something, I just can't do it anymore. I love you, but I just can't let you make me feel badly about me anymore. I'm sorry, but this is goodbye, not just goodbye for the next week or two weeks.. this is goodbye for good. I'm sorry, but if I'd rather just miss you than feel like shit about me for the rest of my life. I love you Mom, Good bye 030413 ... pat sajaks ghost Complimentary glucose meter 030413 ... Aimee I just am so tired of feeling like I'm alone in this pregnancy... I know you guys probably don't want to hear about this, but where else can I go? This has been the biggest year of my life... I got married, and now I'm 4 months away from becoming a mother. This is a huge year... and no one wants to celebrate. I had a tiny wedding that only 2 of my relatives came to... my parents. We barely had a reception. Everything was thrown together at the last minute and I didn't even get to enjoy myself cause I had to watch "pissy missy" to see what she was rummaging through in my bedroom... Now I have to try to plan my own baby shower. People are telling me I'm being greedy and selfish when in all reality, I will never be able to use these things for myself, and if I knew we could afford them, I wouldn't have registered for them. But actually... now I might not even be able to get the baby shower... so.. no wedding reception, no baby shower, almost no wedding, and probably no christening. *sighs* Why doesn't anyone want to celebrate this? I thought everyone wanted to celebrate a baby, a wedding, and hell even a christening. I don't even know why I try. 030501 ... bespeckled you can be in my family, Aimee. 030501 ... ClairE I'm used to crying over girl things. Long_distance commericals. Sad songs. Happy songs. Short stories. Fights. My grandmother's funeral. My period. When I'm supposed to hurt deeply, like when my mother pulled me to the back at work and told me our friend Alicia had been in a car_accident and died, I didn't feel anything at all. I was embarrassed and didn't know what to say, but I opened my mouth and like a lever, it made tears spring out from my skull. When I'm just supposed to shed a tear, I get mad. At 010911 my feelings blacked out and left me with a stirring anger in my stomach. I am the happiest I've been in a while. And for some reason that's what's upsetting me. Maybe it's finally being able to be glad about things, and knowing that life never gives you all that you want. Maybe it's listening to Fleetwood_Mac at 3:33 AM. All I know is I'm thinking about all the choices I made, I'm looking at pictures of people I had to reach in and scrape out of my heart, and I'm wishing there was some way I could have saved the little burnt pieces. 031027 what's it to you? who go blather from