the_phoenix_hope Baj Werbok Hope lives in my bones Flowing free and uncontained. My heart’s highest tones Lead to my desires enflamed. One single wish, standing alone. My world crashes, flooding with pain. Like thousands of needles into my heart, One single final sentence. You tore my life apart, Dismissing all penitence. Nearly two years became painfully tart. Unending questions, what if? How? And why? Avoiding one emotion I so despise, This is how you love me and tell me goodbye? With the “friend” that fed me nothing but lies? You made me want to die! So much hate and anger I can’t disguise! …I can’t let anger win. I have made many mistakes For you, I led a life full of sin. For you, I allowed my beliefs to fade. For things I had never condoned You then turned and left me alone. Complete with pain, anger and guilt, You’ve left your mark. I have no one to go to, No one to care. Already lonely and dark, You left me alone, beaten, hurt, and bare. Nothing left to live for. You took my love and my life. All I have left is my soul’s core Emotion and mind, pitted in strife, Conflicted, cold, and low I will learn to cope. Warmth will begin to flow I will find new life and hope. 070327 ... . oh that person sounds sad.. i don't like to read those things.. that sounds too sad. 070327 ... unhinged and there is a part of me that gets afraid everytime. there is part of me that never EVER trusts this feeling, when my heart is mysteriously and completely awakened. even as a child, i was not uncontainably happy. serious as a heart attack my family always said. more content with daydreams than reality. as i got older, someone told me there's no saftey in dreams and i slowly began to understand. so many dreams of love and hope that were ripped out of me by careless people. i began not to trust those dreams. i was taught that hokey disney thing as a child; dreams DO come true. right; really why do they tell children that? you became my cornerstone when so much was ripped out of me, i wasn't sure if there would be anything left. your_voice was elevated to an opiate in my mind; if_only i could hear it everything would be okay. if_only i imagined it when everything wasn't okay, poof everything would be okay. i've just realized that lately. that your_voice was like his hugs or driving around with her late at night or the goofy messages she used to leave on my answering machine. part of me is afraid of this, the uncontainable hope you gave back to me. my dreams have been ruined for so long, part of me is afraid to trust them again. the phoenix has to die to be born again. i'm not sure how much my phoenix has left. 070327 ... unhinged rose from the ashes we made in my bed and flew away and never came back 080901 what's it to you? who go blather from