shitballs ever dumbening i sure could use a little help here, mr universe. i keep trying and not succeeding. a genuine break, a leg up, would be really fucking nice. getting a cold on my first day of a new job that doesn't pay well and that i don't want to be doing anyway is not exactly what i was hoping for. physical health, mental health, financial health--all flagging with no real end in sight. and it doesn't matter if it's my fault or the world's fault or it's just circumstantial, it's shit, and i'm getting so fucking exhausted and frustrated being constantly confronted by it. 111006 ... ever dumbening my patience wears thinner and thinner. 120819 ... xelda Here's hoping your shitballs turn to shinolaballs. 120819 ... ever dumbening thanks lexad. but maybe i wouldn't know the difference. 120820 ... REAListic optimIST I empathize with seeking lemonade and getting a shitball sandwich instead. Couldn't the universe at least give you lemons in that circumstance? I wonder what kind of future you envision for yourself? Perhaps there are some tiny, achievable but seemingly insignificant aspects of that future that you could manifest right now? When you hate where you are, the best spent energy is often envisioning where you want to be. 120821 ... ever dumbening o.w.a. i'm having more and more difficulty envision any future for myself. i've tried taking minor steps—they either come to naught, or i can't sustain them—and i've taken major steps, with no traction there either. i've tried working on it from many angles. i've looked at what i eat, what i think, how i earn money, where i live, how i pull my left shoulder up to my ear. but i'm stuck and i fucking hate it. so tired. 120824 ... and i dont proofread any more *envisioning* 120824 ... unhinged 'fuck the what happened i got stuck they can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck' this year has been shitty for me too boodhi i feel ya i feel stuck too; like superglued to the same shitty spot with no way to unstick and anything that can make me smile just seems like a momentary distraction from the more permanent shittiness that seems destined to be my life this year has just been shitty shit shitty. maybe the universe will turn around soon? *sigh* 120824 ... unhinged (i have the tibetan characters for patience tattooed on my right hip and even that doesn't help really. but when some psycho customer is on my ass at work it seems slightly mitigating that i have tattoos on my ass that help me deal with assholes) 120824 ... no reason sometimes i wonder how you are, e_d; still remember blathercon_vancouver. sorry to hear things aren't stellar. perhaps something like a life coach may help? maybe not... i dunno. i've been feeling a bit lost here and there as well and thinking someone else (a professional) might be able to help me sort myself out. 120824 ... REAListic optimIST Well, e_d I'm sorry to hear your frustration and mounting hopelessness. At my job, I talk to people about their goals and struggles, challenges and dreams. Sometimes I can help folks to find a useful perspective or course of action. Feel free to e-mail me. Perhaps we could chat sometime on a weekend or evening. I don't know if that appeals to you or whether I would be able to offer anything of use to you at all, but I'm willing to try.r 120824 ... ever dumbening another year. another year. another fucking fucked year. 130830 ... dxlea Feeling like I failed. Because I can't explain why I'm into this whole life thing now. I just am and that's all I got. 131222 ... ever dumbening it just keeps getting worse. 140610 ... unhinged hope is a bitch 140610 ... unhinged fuck the world and your_mom_ 140610 what's it to you? who go blather from