limerance Q Limerance is the psychological state characterized by deep, addictive infatuation that humans fall into upon "falling in love" but that rarely lasts more than a few years. Sometimes, with a probability of less than about 1 in 10, a limerant relationship transforms into a more "realistic," staid, long-term, sometimes deeply loving and sometimes deathly boring relationship. In this sense, limerance is a state of "knocking like crazy on the door" and "pre-settled-in." Annabelle, at www.angelfire.com/ca3/Annabelle/raapr9924.html, describes the biological basis of limerance: "[The] strong and insistent feelings designed to get two sets of DNA within hailing distance of each other to create yet a third set of DNA." Gerry Wolke, in "Marriage as Fantasy Fulfillment" at www.naturalhealthconsult.com/ Marriage.html, is a bit more elegant: "[L]imerance is ... rooted in the body's need to reproduce. It has a highly sexual orientation because seed planting and growing is its reason for existence. It is blind because cognitive considerations get in the way. It is jealous because nature wants the organism's seed to be the one to reproduce. It is temporary because once the imperative (and it is a very strong one!) is satisfied nature wants another genetic combination." 000918 ... JessieLee Yeah... 010122 ... silentbob meanwhile, fantasy is much more fun 010506 ... zoe the intoxicating thrill deep within your body to find the "other" and make whole again what feels separate. It's that same feeling you get from a speed ball. I mean exactly. The thrill of the coke and the earthy painful joy of the heroin combined make you hunger for another ride. Anyway you slice it its not real-its chemical-its sad. 020120 ... DannyH Why does it follow that its not real if its chemical? 020121 ... bill bixby i'll be able to imagine you sucking on my nipples 020918 ... ClairE Apparently it is really "limerence". 031101 ... Pato Dorothy Tennov coined the term; see her book "Love and Limerence." 040617 ... mortal devine It's probably the period of time it takes for one of the partners in a relationship to realize this is not what they want before breaking up. Once they 'open their eyes' and try to estimate the challenges that the true long-term relationship holds, they start to make a list with a certain treshold. When the treshold is reached, it's over, and usualy the other partner is taken completely or to some extend by surprise. But I'm no expert. 040802 ... Michael limerance is such a joy when it , either creeps up on you and works its way into your heart, or bursts over you like a waterfall. Knowing that when you think of that person you will be overwhelmed by waves of Joy and deeper feelings of unknown love, waiting to be uncovered/discovered.Such a rare occurence that it should be enjoyed and indulged and gloried in! 060826 ... Tenon So it only lasts a few years, huh? Yes, it can be a source of immense joy and inspiration from the hope part of it, but the uncertainty part is the one that causes worry, pain, jealousy, and the rest of the entourage of unwanted feelings. I made a promise to myself to never get so attached to a person that I stay awake at night thinking about them and everything, every single little thing during the day reminds me of them. That's not love, that's obsession, and it's not healthy. Disclose you feelings, that's the only advice I have. 080422 ... fuffle its not love, its obsession ! oh pull yourself together will you ! stop being oh so compulsive. that mermaid already told you it was some unreal feeling, she will tell you over and over again so that it finally sinks in to stop imagining all this wizard magic floating stuff. *note* don't ever ask anyone advise on love it is the worst mistake anyone can make. 080422 ... Tenon You're right, fuffle, and thanks for that. The fairy did tell me of unrealistic dreams and I was the one that misubderstood. I just can't... let... go. 080426 ... 10-on *misunderstood 080426 what's it to you? who go blather from