maybe_she_thought_i'd_money a chess genius or maybe i was an assignment with whom she fell in love maybe_for_a_little_while i_can_pretend a_crack_in_the_rock to let_the_light_in where's_your__heart who_are_you can_this_you_last_forever ?_?_? 121115 ... ache es gee n u whine Stuff_funny 150527 ... amy in blue you just want closure i just want a home 150529 ... tail-devouring snake i thought you could at least facsimile being an adult. instead you are flailing like a tantruming child. there is no one to pick you up but your belief in yourself, no actions that will be taken on your behalf except for those you take for yourself. i've given you my all for the past year, and you've done nothing for yourself. no.thing. nada. you can't do basic tasks to advocate for yourself. and then you come home today and tell me your tale of woe, which is really a story on how you couldn't even order food for yourself in a restaurant, couldn't feed yourself despite having all available external resources to do so. i don't know how to help you. you have set us up for a shitty situation as we step into our new life. it's too bad- your misactions, your inaction, your cleaving to the god of avoidance and procrastination has now set us up for financial stress, for not being present for the amount of time our child deserves. instead of the leisure pace, one of us will be away. it will, at this pace, probably be me. i want you to feel empowered in the world, in your life, with your family. you made a mistake, fucking fix it. you are spiraling farther away from yourself, your power, your unique gifts you can offer the world by simply being yourself. this is your life, this is our life. wake up. shake yourself out of this. where have you gone? 150529 ... Cyote flower home is anywhere you let_it_be, though I do still often dream of one that is firmly attached to one space of earth, down inside of the ground a bit even, just to be sure it doesn't move away while we sleep. Home is in the heart, cultivate the love inside, it will grow. We are all loved, including you. 150530 ... amy in blue "We are all loved, including you" Loved by who? You? That's good.... I see less evidence - i'm talkin' evidence here that i am adultly lovable in my real life. But if we are talking loved by God that's a no brainer -although that love is hard to fathom. Why would this "you" need to be included specially as if for some reason it was thought you weren't? what jerk wasn't included you? That's always my question in life that's my number one question, along with why is it thought that everyone is the same? They are related, and not hypocritical, you know? 150531 ... Cyote flower I include "you" because I think that sometimes we forget that we are included in the loving. The love in question is the great blanket of love from what ever source you see fit. I see it radiating from the sun and stars and up through the earth from her core, through the plants and wind and sparkling in the waters. I also feel that most, if not all of us, also radiate this love for eachother. though I do also understand that the feelings and desires are different for the direct love of and from another human , too. maybe I was talking to myself, projecting myself onto "you" to remind me, who ,could also be you if you believe that sort of connection exists through living energies, of the love we have inside and out. It's a romantic stretch of simple words and thoughts. 150531 ... Cyote flower What is my_real_life? Realife is something I feel many have lost touch with as well, we live and move and love and laugh and hurt and cry, but do we understand why? We don't have to understand, but how is the disconnect from the realness of life affecting us? We live so separately from the earth and the re st of the creatures and life around us, for the most part. We are not necessarily all the same, but we are connected and we can be so many different things, including hypocritical. I could be wrong though, who_am_I to say these things? 150531 what's it to you? who go blather from