terrified deb what would i do with myself if anything ever happened to you? and i collapse in tears at the very thought i may look strong but i'm crumbling beneath this facade 010412 ... paranoid tree ohgodohgodohgodohgod what the hell i fear nothing, i do, i said i fear *nothing*, especially not you, but i'm not ready, not ready, can't see you yet, you've got knives you don't know about and i can't see you see me see me i can't admit that i'm so fucking scared that i want to run just at the thought, i can't admit that i'm terrified because i'm fucking *fearless*, and i'm shaking right now just thinking of facing what i swore i had a handle on, i can't admit i can't believe i am *not* in control, i do *not* have this mastered, i am *not* fearless, i am! i am fearless! ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod please believe me. 030904 ... while roses wince to love you to not to to tell you this is all physical and I hate it 070113 ... auburn I am so afraid of living. My tears catch in my lungs, and I choke on my own inabilities. I like to write sadness more than any other emotion. What does that say about my heart? I'm terrified of scattering too many pieces of myself based on fear, and not having anyone to pick up the pieces. What if the journey to repaint my soul becomes too long, and no one is up to the task? I'm terrified of living. Because I don't know when this living will end. 080310 what's it to you? who go blather from