DannyH Several people seem to have been arguing over the correct procedure for carrying out a blather duel. I can clear this up with the precise set of rules as laid down by the tenth Marquis of Blather, Lord Tewkesbury, in 1783. the common term for one who blathed was at that time “blateroon” rather than the now more commonblatherskiteHe also refers to all those who blathe in the masculine which is reasonable considering that Blathering was illegal for women until the late 1920s. I have continued these practices to preserve the antique flavour of the text but all other spellings have been modernised. Lord Tewkesbury writes as follows.

When two blateroons shall have contradictory opinions which cannot be reconciled with the civility and candour fitting to their status as gentlemen, either may offer a duel by blathing the wordshave at you with gunsor similair, directing their foe to the blatherduel page. If his foe takes up the challenge, with words such ascome on then you scurvy knave, I’ll use you for a colander” then all that is required is for a third party to come forward to act as umpire. The umpire may offer their services in any form of words they wish butGame on.” Is traditional. From this point on there is no variation allowed in the forms of words. The challenge and acceptance may take place either within or outside of blatherduel but once accepted all contestants and umpire must move to blatherduel.
Each of the duellists, provided they accept the umpire as impartial must blathe the word
The umpire then blathes the words
May the wrong man die.”
The duel then commences. The procedure is simple. Each man blathes the word
BANG!” and whoever’s blathe appears first is considered to have struck a fatal blow on the other.
The following conditions apply
1. if the wordBANG!” appears misspelt, without capitals or missing the exclamation mark the shot is a miss and the other blather wins, even if it comes second.
2. The name must appear in exactly the same form as was used to blathe the wordagreedor the shot is a miss
3. if both contestants misfire a second shot may be fired but this one must be “BING!”
4. If a third shot is required it must be “BUNG!”
5. if there is no result on the third shot, the duel is declared a draw.
6. When the umpire perceives a winning shot they declare the loser dead.
7. The umpires decision is final.

Lord Tewkesbury Marquis of Blather 1783

I hope this clears things up.
paperclip skeleton when one party is declared dead, does that merely close the argument or does it result in an (unenforceable) exile for the loser? 010525
DannyH Lord Tewkesbury rather vague on the matter. Knowing the bloody history of eighteenth century blather as I do he probably meant dead as in dead. In these more civilised times a simple recognition of an honourable defeat should suffice. 010525
nocturnal perhaps there should be a scoreboard of sorts to keep track of defeats and victories. 010525
kerry someone should start a blatherduel_scoreboard and tell us who wins, okay? 011230
reitoei i feel that these rules are biased in favor of those with a high speed inet connection... 011230
carne de metal I did not quite follow them somewhere. 020207
blown cherry goes BANG! BING! BUNG! stuff civility!
If one feels strongly enough to engage a fellow blatherskite in a duel, then can we not arrange for dead to actually mean dead in the extremely-slow-bloodied-and-torturous sense in which it was first conceived, rather than this poncy "honourable defeat" cowards refuge?
Photophobe But thats the nature of a duel, as opposed to any other sort of fight. A duel is an honourable and structured thing - duels traditionally use pistols at a number of paces, (until dead or a set number of shots are fired,) or rapiers, (which are only really useful in a fencing fighting style, until dead or one side yeilds).

If you want a bloddy fight, then its just that a fight to the death, rather than a duel. There is no honour in a desperate fight to the death, but a deadly duel, well that takes composure and nerves of steel.
pipedream who gets television broadcasting rights? me! i bag 'em first! 031201
Symphonic . 040914
p2 as beavis i was hit
by the third shot
check out my
BUNG! hole
Death of a Rose I challenge you knave!


p2 heh
i was thinking of slapping kx21 around
with a metal gauntlet
but i doubt he'd bother

my BUNG! hole and i
must decline
it's time to go home

another time perhaps?
Deft ta Da Rose sure p2 doOd.

just come a knockin'
when you see the van a rockin'

meta meta 060303
link umpire 060425
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who go