vicious they say that hostages have been known to be freed if they give their captor a sense of power

for example
telling him/her that only they have the power to save them

all anyone wants to be is appreciated
phoooooooo maybe if i cry loud enough i'll be heard by whoever wants to help me. What a needy philosophy. i always cry quietly. i weep in my soul. i ignore the pain and wait in torturous anticipation for it to return tenfold.
I can't say this isn't my fault.
I can't say i don't need you.
I can't promise I'm not weeping at the loss of anything resembling a shred of hope or feeling...
And I can't apologise enough, I can't apologise at all and I keep doing it regardless...
razor440 i'm crumbling inside as i can feel it all slipping away from me...
then i just break down and weep when there is no other option.
amy the flow of so many years
so many days
leaks and drains and collects and streams
across countries
and the trail of deep sighs sluggishly advances
sweden, norway...
lithuania, russia...
and your somber fire dies and it's ok it always is.
Whitechocolatewalrus I want to be lethargic, I want to pout all day. I want to be sad and I want to be mad, but it's my fault anyway and there's nothing I can do to make it right. 031107
jennie into your chest, into my pillow.

am i still beautiful with red face and snot-nose, choking on phlegm?
three words a_canoe_and_a_puppy
an_orchids_child_in_december weep
unhinged no past tense
just present action

all these fears
come rolling on out
flowerock. I cry less often and less easily lately, it seems. Is this good or is this bad?
I'm really not sure yet.
Risen Today I have been wrecked with sobs. I can barely move or breathe. Throwing up whenever I try to eat.

I never knew I could be so affected by someone else's pain. It's actually worse than my own.

But it is mixed up with so much of my own stuff as well. Flashbacks, memories...

Today I cradled the jeans they cut off my mother, and it reminded me of the clothes they cut off my father's corpse. I didn't even care then, and it still really fucked with my head.

I don't even know what I'm doing. Completely alone.

I am fucking terrified. I need help. And the closest person to me is a brother who lives hours away and has a family of his own. No friends, no one.

How did I end up so alone?
crediblehulk Maybe because the pain you carry is something you feel like you are incapable of sharing with anyone.

There are lots of people out there who won't understand or care, but there are some who will. You just have to keep looking.

I too have felt alone at points in my life. I've lost all hope, all feeling, all sense of purpose. I can't pretend to know how you feel right now though.

Talk to your brother. Maybe he can help. Maybe his family is the one you need right now.
Risen Thank you... for reaching out across the blue. It helps me feel less alone.

The internet has always been where I feel least alone. Which is ironic or a sign of the times or something.

I called my brother, and it did help.
crediblehulk :) 160423
unhinged it's been awhile since it felt like this 160623
what's it to you?
who go