Piso Mojado oh these boys

they think with the wrong head,
believe that they love me, that they care, that there's intimacy.

but i know

i know as soon as we fuck that it all changes. the facades of their sexual_love drop away. and the emptiness is revealed. that they have no interest in me. that they were running on sexual chemistry, sexual energy.

and it turns ugly or uncomfortable or just sad. and they leave. and another shows up. and the cycle starts again.

and how do i explain that i cannot respect them or trust them because i see their motives are sexual? that the second they make a move a wall goes up inside me- that they have entered and lost the game- that my coldness and contempt for them grows?
Piso Mojado im sick of, as minnesota_chris wrote, sex becoming an undercurrent in everything i say and do.

i want to be a virgin, i want sexual innocence, i want to be pure again
misstree i publicly became a lesbian sadist (not that it's far off privately, either). anyone that insisted on trying was fair game, and anyone that saw their tumble crumple and still wanted to talk, saw me as more than just a hole. 041118
minnesota_chris you can become pure again, piso. Purity depends on what you spend your time thinking about, not what's been in your pussy. Your crotch isn't a commodity that gets used and then marked down 50% off.

I sound pretty sanctimonious for a guy too lazy to go to church!
suicidalchinadoll excessively sanctimonious, yes.
and though I wouldn't stick my nose in here, I do have to say your "50% off" comment made me laugh genuinely.
thanks for that.
sex has nothing to do with it 041129
fix 041129
Piso Mojado i revise- it's not purity i'm after- but an alternative approach- one where i can enjoy my sexuality without strong feelings of self-hatred. 050203
eklektic we hung out over shanes house with shane rachel and dave. me and shane were cuddling on the couch and you laid on the floor with your baseball pulled down over your grey eyes.

the same grey eyes that i looked into.

you laid on the floor with your red plaid shirt, hiding your stomach and showing your hipbones only slightly

you laid on the floor, smoking your newport and rolling slightly from the line you did just 15 minutes ago.

you motherfucker. you're so sly and so sneaky. i hate that i fucked you. no...i really dont. and i'd do it again. in a heartbeat.

why are you such a beautiful bastard?
Piso Mojado "...they see a little piece of my soul, of my inner light, I share with them what's inside and they think they own it, or that I will show it to them all the time. Who can live like that? And it's so one sided- they suck me dry."

I want something better than this in my life
Lemon_Soda I don't want sex with anyone anymore. I can't see it, feel it, when I look at people. Their just ugly, no matter who they are, when i think about having sex with them.

I hate masturbating to. But I do anyway, because I know that while I'm doing it, I'll like it, even though as soon as I come, I'll hate it all over again.
what's it to you?
who go