financial_freedom
dafremen Dear New Yourk Times,

My friend Cynthia and I were talking the other day. I told her I want to be rich some day because all of my idols are rich. But she says that I'm too young to achieve financial freedom. She says most rich people are old. Is that true? What about Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates? They both had boo koo bucks while they were still in their twenties! So I guess what I want to know is..can I get rich too..or am I f---ed?

Sincerely,

Virginia

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Dearest Virginia,

There's really no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just out with it. No, you probably won't achieve financial freedom..and YES you are indeed QUITE f---ed. Allow me to elaborate:

The Mark Zuckerbergs and the Bill Gates' of the world serve a very important function in our complex society. See, without the Mark Zuckerbergs, Eminems and Bill Gates' of the world, it might be damned near impossible to get young folks, who are notoriously distract-able and easy bored, to willingly put their noses to the DULL, BORING GRINDSTONE of modern business.

Cue rich young entrepeneurs and entertainers. Getting young adults to chase after the almighty dollar is simply a matter of showing them all of the cool THINGS their idols have.

The reality of your future Virginia, looks more like this:

You'll chase after financial freedom until you're in your 60s or 70s at which point, having given your strongest most active years over to the pursuit of money, you will be tired..but will want to DO SOMETHING with your financial freedom since you spent your WHOLE LIFE trying to obtain it.

So you and your second third or fourth husband, will probably buy an overpriced, over equipped RV for somewhere in the neighborhood of the price of a small house. You'll go on a vacation the first year..probably do the KOA Campground tour. Pull in, pull the awning out, hang the lights from the awning and stick the pink flamingos into the ground outside. You'll sit, doing mostly nothing that you couldn't have done at home..except watching the other people go by..living their lives.

And at the end of the vacation, you'll drive home to a sore back, financial freedom, boredom and likely more than a bit of loneliness and disillusionment.

The following year, you won't be quite so excited about traveling..but you'll do it anyhow..since you spent almost 100k on that RV. You'll pack it up..drive it to KOA or maybe Jellystone Campground to "mix it up a bit" and pull out the awning. You'll hang the lights, put the pink flamingos in the ground and sit doing not much of anything except watching life and the living who live it pass you by. Then you'll probably climb back into that RV for the last time and drive home..to die.

And THAT Virginia is what the future likely holds for you, why the world has Mark Zuckerbergs and Eminems and why your friend Cynthia is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and you are a deluded, naive sh--head.

Best of luck to you,

The New Yourk Times
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