disillusionment melanzane i used to love nyc but no more. it had a sense of urban realness , a loving, endearing toughness. i remember ny of the days when maude and archie bunker and the jeffersons and knots landing were on tv. but then the glass and marble came. and then the pretention came. and then the narcissism came. and then the right came. and then the money came. and goodwye went the sleazy dance clubs, and the sex parties, and the freaks. swept away , pushed away 031220 ... april n it means the void. 040201 ... Mister Brightside serving time in again (one more round of love or what i thought passed for it turning me to Lovegrove - one more round to build me up and knock me down) on balance, i should concede that the loss of my illusions - much like major surgery- is, however painful, supposed to be a positive new century, new hints to consider while i lose another religion once and again, achieving Satori in the most painfully literal of ways 041223 ... pete the thrill of hope exhausted 041224 ... Somebody that I used to know you arent him, are you. funny how we can see things in people that arent really there. 050119 ... sameolme Will be enlightenment, once the mourning clears. 050208 ... Syrope i tried to stop it but it came the thought that "things are better now" well they aren't 050209 ... rage i remember he was wearing a blue t-shirt that read 'so this is what it feels like' 050422 ... Re-delusioned Often leads to new illusions. 070314 ... demure i don't need to hear anything from you... .. i just need you to... ...... listen.. where did our love go? in my little black book? these days i sleep next to a tigar... a baby tigar.. his name is Oscar... a lovely cat... he thinks he is human.. too bad for him ! i have my ex. on the phone begging me for... things that are not possible... not after so many lies... nothing works in that way with him.. he doesn't understand.... he should have treated me better... .".but i understand".. he comes from another culture.. maybe they don't treat each other as equals over there... i have learnt that through experience.. and it don't feel too good.. i only ask for respect and truth. is that a lot to ask ? why do i need to feel like the bad one. i'm not... i always treat people with love... sometimes too much.. so much they take advantage of it. this is sad for me. the thing is ... is that.. i have a deep loove... and it's not for nobody but...... you. 070314 ... when darkness falls a subtle one this time, but with a lot of strings attached. i am leaving, yet again, and with this beautiful city, i am leaving everything that reminds me of you. i will still be thinking of you, but i will find someone else, someone who'll treat me well, like you said but probably didn't mean. you will find someone too who will treat you well, but it's not in your nature to do the same for them. honestly, i cannot imagine you ever loving anyone, even people that are deeply in love with you. i don't hate you, -- i just don't understand you. but god knows i tried. 080525 what's it to you? who go blather from