you're_on_my_wrist_and_on_the_page_too *_the missing link_* i just sprayed some of your cologne, and now everything i read looks like you've written it. 020118 ... *_the missing link_* and in that dream i had last night we squeezed each others bodies and the sweetness came seeping out on dripped onto the rug i miss you. 020118 ... *_the missing link_* motherfucker, came seeping out *AND* dripped onto the rug. fuck me and my bloody mistakes. 020118 ... *_the missing link_* i suppose it doesn't matter, though, really, when i think about how it's all just shyte anyway shyte that he wouldn't look at twice because he doesn't 'do' the internet. bastard. that beautiful, lovely bastard. 020118 ... *_the missing link_* shyte that he wouldn't look at *once*, even. 020118 ... *_the missing link_* for fuck's sake, why do i keep spraying you on myself? 020121 ... blown cherry have you told him it's your soul that's out here? My him knows it, but isn't interested. It kills me to know that. 020218 ... *_the missing link_* bingo 020218 ... unhinged little red marks i look at everyday the patterns my hand etched in skin in your image geometrical designs that could someday connect my wrist to my elbow before you fade away journals of words i wrote for you that you will never see the marks that clothes do hide i could never say how much i love you it comes seeping out of every available outlet stopped up and congealing waiting for the glances and touches and words that sustain me 020218 ... blown cherry I'm sorry *_the missing link_* I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. *warm friendly squeeze of the hand* 020219 ... sabbie scrunching the letter i wrote you over and over and over [its not art, its not even beautiful] i cut myself on the sharp edge [the paper fights back] and the blood is on my wrist and on the page too. i guess i give you more of me everytime i make you art. 020327 ... blown cherry Why does this page hurt so much? Maybe I'm just feeling particularly vulnerable today, and that other day, and the other one, and all the rest of the days, and nights, too. 020328 ... unhinged i was talking to him today and i looked down at my wrist...the little red lines that a trained eye wouldn't notice. they were ignorable to everyone else but me and i wanted to show him; say 'oh i've tried to kill myself, tried to hurt myself, tried to get rid of everything i hated. i still hate everything and look at the marks of failure everyday.' he wouldn't understand. i just glanced a few times trying not to draw attention to what i knew he wouldn't see and continued writing out the left-hand harmonizations that were due the hour before. 020328 ... continuous ache dripping onto the page of our short time together....my life's blood, yours if only you'd ask. 020329 ... sanguineous private thoughts seeking your apperance on my eyelids. yearning for the scent of you on my sheets. i'm clinging to a worn shirt you left behind. letting the smell of your skin fill me. and as i lay, my pillow hints of your cologn. it's there to make it easier for me to pretend you're still around. counting all the minutes. feeling like it's been days. since you've been gone. counting all the seconds till you return. when did it become so easy to miss you? 050824 ... r_r . 090320 ... unhinged blather_irony that one of the things_i_dont_talk_about that has changed over the years into new_ink got dredged up on the recent list you_know_you've_been_at_blather_too_long 090321 ... fghio fghio 101114 what's it to you? who go blather from