not_good_enough always just me Come what may- to me that just isn't respectable enough. I thought I achieved something beneficial- but I don't think that was the case at all. Three seperate comments from three different individuals- must mean something- within 30 mins time frame. I was proud of my accomplishment why can't others be --just as well-- without side comments- I guess when it all comes down to it- nothing much matters other than how I feel about it. Furthermore, I just need to be less sensitive about these kinds of issues- it will do me a world of good. but eh, right now I don't even feel like going to study for my test tomorrow, I feel so useless so looked down upon-like such a joke- whatever I shouldn't care- I shouldn't but I do ... fuck I do 030114 ... Staind_And_Souless I'm never going to be good enough. Ever. I'm not good enough for you. 040406 ... Blue Eyes The thought of being not good enough plagues me, and has for years. It stems from my childhood and I still feel it, in the innermost part of me. I know logically that it makes no sense, that I am as deserving of good things as the next person, but I feel inferior, almost always. I'm slowly feeling better about myself, and putting those feelings from thoughts into actions. But it takes time to form new habits, however healthy. A therapist told me once told me that we have automatic thoughts, things that we believe are true about ourselves regardless of logic or evidence. Things we just KNOW. I believe in the core of my being that I am funny, and smart, and cute, and ultimately undeserving of good things. And while others maybe be funnier or smarter or cuter, I still believe I am those things, even when I do things that temporarily prove otherwise. Similarly, even though I have a lot of people in my life that love me, and want the best for me, I act according to the premise that I'm undeserving of a lot of things. A healthy body, a romantic relationship, a job that pays well. Anyway, I'm working to overcome this feeling of not good enough, but it's still the perverbial monkey on my back. 040925 ... Syrope when things get too perfect and i just can't stand waiting on you to fuck up any more, then i have to do it for you. its not fair to you. its too fair to me. 040926 ... love & hate for you 040927 ... mysticlove i am good enough you just don't know it 041008 ... loveme no right now, it could be better. 041008 ... emmi as long as you love me i'm good enough. why would you love me if i weren't? you still do. but accusing you of thinking that i'm not good enough, is not really doing any good to keep you loving me. it's a vicious circle. 050408 ... her royal highness the quirk i guess i'm not 050409 ... blown cherry "I just feel so strongly that we should be together. I fucking adore you you're an amazing person and we like all the same stuff and we're attracted to each other" You used to fucking throw that in my face when I said it to you all those years ago. There's some kind of cruel irony at work here that's reversed our emotional states 3 years later. It was never good enough for you in the old days. Now I just don't know if it's good enough for ME now. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a small part of me that wished it was. But that also leaves a large part of me that doesn't wish it, and who knows exactly what that part is wishing now. 050413 ... z most things 050414 ... blown cherry you were just so so bad at making me feel special, like I had any ranking in your life at all. 090722 ... Photophobe Does attempting to antagonise me make you feel better, I wonder? (But not for very long.) 090722 ... hsg but still the_perfect_you 090722 ... hsg but_still 090722 ... blown cherry As if I'm trying to antagonise you. I'm just trying to rationalise my next breath. 090722 ... Lover_Of_Light You said I was your values and you were so tired of the painted and inked fakes You took me to your people and told them I was the future you were willing to sell out for Well, who bought you? No one bought me 090722 what's it to you? who go blather from