this_years_lesson xorf My group of friends has existed around me peacefully for nearly a decade. I didn't notice the pattern, until recently, but conflicts were for romantic partners, not friends. Then, there was a slew of FB related incidents. I learned from each of them, but in summary: "If you're not sure it will be received well, don't say it." "Apologize for hurt feelings even if you didn't mean to hurt them." "If someone is just barely tolerable (or loveable but obnoxious) in person, block their feed as soon as they friend you and never look back." Okay, got it, check. Prevention is half the battle. But what do you do when something has happened and each party has a completely different view of it, even after careful, calm, explanation from each party? I haven't gotten to the end of this lesson, I can tell. Thoughts so far: -Can we move forward if we agree to disagree? -Is the friendship more important than being right or agreed with? -What if the same thing happened over again? Would we behave differently? 120713 ... unhinged i am the only one i can count on 120713 ... xorf Not_saying! What a difficult revelation. Just not saying anything in response to someone else being a jerk. Not refuting. Not correcting. Not objecting. Not expressing outrage. Not internalizing it either. Letting someone else's shit be their shit, even if they tried to fling it at me. Quietly trying less to connect instead of actively pushing away. Revolutionary! 120802 ... . very cool 120802 ... unhinged adventures are not all fun and games; buddhists are not buddhas; don't look a crackhead in the eye 120805 ... acd A broken heart takes a lot longer to heal if you don't drink yourself to death and booty call your way through it. 120805 ... ever dumbening 7+ months in the lesson from this shitty year feels the same as the lesson from last year (also shit): fuck you james. 120806 ... Ouroboros all the work i've done, awareness building, love, self-growth etc. is worth nothing. violence trumps everything. rape wipes it all away in a single moment. i am nothing, this life is nothing, our 4 year relationship was nothing, the love in my heart is nothing. all there is is the knowing that i have been and can been broken again by anyone heavier and stronger then me. loving, reaching out, trying to make good decisions really just leads to pain, betrayal. 120806 ... xedla "Friends don't let friends 'just say'" Yeah. It's working and it gets easier with practice. At first it was a lot of aborted thoughts. Delete, delete, delete. Then, cutting off the impulse before it could even begin to be a thought. Finally, not even having the impulse. Yes, sometimes, it is good to be bold, if the potential benefits seem pretty tangible. But usually, the impulse is born of a wailing ego. Sorry ego, you can find other ways to be awesome. 130614 ... unhinged avoiding the truth isn't doing anyone any favors 130615 ... Ouroboros find choice, find agency, find the truth (that is often not what the brain is saying), drink water, heal and move forward 131107 what's it to you? who go blather from