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heartless_holiday
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unhinged
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i didn't even get to celebrate yesterday. i was too busy being surrounded by love. i don't need that fucking plant. i don't need that fucking life. i have something better now. so much better. i have him. and now every 420 i have something better to celebrate; the anniversary of the day that i found real love. even if a year from now that real love isn't there, the fact that it ever was there in the first place heals me. youngstown gave me the greatest gift of all. that dramatic_irony is not lost on me. god bless all you lost souls as you wander never letting the truth be known. the truth will make you free.
i am more free than i have ever been. my heart races with these new buds about to burst inside of me. all the blood and tears and smoke and dirt and pain can be something more beautiful; these eyes of mine are forever lightened, forever open to what we have discovered together. the truth WILL set you free.
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030421
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... |
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GibbyPhD
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Desires and virtues compound to form light, a pure and inner light glowing and lighting my way,
Albeit not foretelling the whole story, only holding the warmth from one minute to the next…
Oh that splendid inner light, which appears from the height with you I gain...
(Beautiful, so Beautiful to read anothers Love, thank you for sharing)
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030423
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unhinged
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but it is
it is the most beautiful love i have ever received. to have mutual need so far bonded in mutual love, that we both want to spend every second of our lives together. if only that was possible. but we both take what we can get. and are content.
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030423
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unhinged
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and it's back to old modes of celebration this year; of course it is gone this year. of course it is. and hopefully if things work out the way i want them to, i will have a bag today. the first time since i moved up here that i will. he just doesn't get it and he never will how much that meant to me. and i don't need anymore heartbreak of seeing that fact come true.
but it is this time of year that i miss him even more. cause i am changed now. even though right now i feel as far removed from it as i almost possibly could be, i feel changed. but knowing that i don't have to feel that way makes it that much worse when i do.
*sigh*
where are you now?
sniffing coke no doubt
nothing lasts for very long
but this second
in the hour of my life
did make a difference
even if it only feels painful now
even if it didn't seem to mean much now
it did once
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040420
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unhinged
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heartless
what an apt adjective
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041113
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unhinged
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he let me sleep on his couch last night which was supposedly something he was never going to do. and we woke up this morning and smoked. it is the first 420 in three years that i actually celebrated.
and i remember why i used to smoke four times a day. the world is so much prettier when you're stoned.
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050420
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unhinged
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cultivate_compassion
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060420
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unhinged
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three_words
amazing_stuff bowl darkness_ensues
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080420
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unhinged
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.
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090420
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unhinged
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(where did the love go?)
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090420
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unhinged
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i threw the bong he gave me down the trash chute and the sound it made when it broke into pieces at the bottom salved my broken heart
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171201
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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