unreleased in a silent way it's a little strange to wake up one day and realize most of the "lost" albums and films you read about in your younger days and had to conjure fuzzy hypothetical ideas of are now easily not so lost at all. most of them are readily accessible, having been re-released or rediscovered. stranger still that some of these things were more interesting the way you imagined them, when you had little to work with beyond a few vague impressions. but then how could anything ever stack up against its personalized, idealized, best possible theoretical self? it does happen. and that's the strangest thing of all. 130116 ... in a typo way "easily not so lost at all". i wonder which one of these words isn't supposed to be there. ::: smacks head against keyboard ::: 130116 ... unhinged the knots in my heart body 130116 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Unreleased: compassion for her. (People here were talking about compassion...) Do I have that? I had, still have, admiration for her mind, her words. But I don't like the way she treated me either. Why did she have to take my book? It seems petty, but I liked that book. 130117 ... e_o_i Why this irrelevant venting now, I know not. But, very well. Her dyslexia makes her a poet? Maybe my ADHD will make me a better novelist, did she think of that? Just because I didn't learn to meet deadlines, I mean learn to be able to meet ALL my deadlines, until I was almost kicked out of the program doesn't make me a worse person. Or maybe it does. There's a good deal of stubbornness and anger in me, too, that shouldn't be there. And we were the (relatively) financially poorer ones in the group. All I'm saying is that we're on parallel tracks. Not in a competition. Never were in a competition. I think I'm trying to convince myself. 130117 ... e_o_i Also, I had a crush on Serious Actor, but he was too serious, too funny, too five-years-younger-than-me. Different provinces, different religions (Islam vs. Incongruity, though I'm sure they're compatible on another platform), different levels of morality (Him: Conscientious Normal, Me: Complete Asshole; the Austrian Philosopher I would rate as Quite Saintly, though he should realize by now that "Have you read Hegel's Phenomenology?" is not the best pickup line. Perhaps the second best.) 130117 ... e_o_i Now that I'm admitting things, I must admit to having a certain fascination with Nicki Minaj, though M.I.A. is a more "serious" artist. And, with apologies to a certain poetry teacher, not ALL Beatles songs are annoying. That's it for now. Over and out. 130117 ... FA113N There are things we keep inside, that we pride ourselves on not releasing. Not even acknowledging. But sometimes... just sometimes a moment comes where you can release the unreleased, and in those moments you are terrified, but you are free. So free. I am a poet, and so I can release these things, one syllable at a time, and drip them into your lap. Oh how I wish I could be a torrent, and gush those things out to you. But they stay unreleased. And I don't think you getting me drunk would be a good idea... but a part of me wants to be free. 130118 ... unhinged (if she took your shit you are allowed to get mad at her compassion does not equal doormat the difference between a human and a buddha is anger on_anger) 130121 ... e_o_i Too much hate on my part. And self-hate is still a kind of selfishness. If I could release something, it would be... the rest of the story? Not now, though. But thanks for responding. 130123 ... unhinged releasing things before they are ready to be released is just as violent as anger, hatred things come out when they want to tears fall when they are ready walls tumble down when they have the means today i follow my breath and watch what comes after 130124 what's it to you? who go blather from