i_tried nomme not to notice 030804 ... drstrangelove i hate u all i love u all whatever that means love has become too complex to love with wild abandon i dont feel too good about it all dam didnt think this could happen everything fallin apart and all well i guess everythings still on schedule consolation thot 030804 ... mon to give you up i tried to abandon i_am_a_failure i_do_not wear robes of silver these shooting stars are not our fallen wishes 030824 ... tortuous i tried to help you, to try to get you to stop. to straighten your life up. to have a home life worth a damn. when was the last time you were happy with yourself? you wake up with hangovers so you down the asprin and chug the alka-selser. you grimace from the pains of a night already past. you sit in the shower thinking about what you've done and what you have yet to do. for your birthday i bought you a book. half the reason was because i was trying to make you feel better, and the other half was to try to make you think. this book should have said something to you. i found that book the other day. sitting on the floor of the van under some trash. i handed it back to you and you said "oh, thank you, i was looking for that." but i knew, it was in your eyes, that you were lying. you've lied so much, you lie about lying. i've tried so hard for so long. i've tried love and i've tried hate. you won't let me help. i had hope once, but thats long gone. now all i can do is ignore you and try to move past. try not to get upset when i see you. try not to hate you for everything you've done. i hope that sooner or later you find your peace and happiness. i'm sorry that i couldn't be the one to help you get there. goodbye 030826 ... x i gave up i tried i gave up how does it feel??? 030827 ... Strideo i tried no to try but i failed and wound up trying anyway. next time i try, i'll try looking the other way so i don't try so hard ... 030827 ... aw shucks i tried analog and digi-pal and i tried jesting and i tried seriousness and i tried answers and i tried questions and i tried smiling and i tried crying and whining and dining and i tried logic and nonsense and i tried sharing and taking and i tried showing and seeking and i tried things slowly and quickly and slowly once more i tried shaking i tried feeling i tried anger and i tried tenderly and i tried liking and i tried befriending and i tried reaction and i tried ignorance and i tried illustration and i tried parable and metaphor and simile and i tried irony and i tried plain speaking and i tried vernacular and pejoratives and i tried pejorative vernaculars and i tried colloquialisms and i tried fables and tales and stories and legends and i tried falsehoods and i tried truths and i tried that which was to be tried and i tried covering my bases my acids my bases i covered my rear my anterior my posterior i covered my topics and i tried avoiding the point and i tried diplomacy and deliberation and wisdom intelligence foolishness insanity curiousity pathos pathos pathos i tried ... ... but no one cared. 060124 ... unhinged to do some yoga today for the first time in a long time and almost immediately started crying. deep breaths in savasana and they just started tumbling out. my breath becomes shallow to keep the tears in. one deep breath and i'm a weeping mess. 090603 ... In_Bloom My grandpa would love to say, "God loves a trier" I don't believe in God I do believe in trying though For everyone else's sake I tried 090603 ... misstree i_tried it_wasn't_enough i'm_still_trying it's_still_not_enough 090603 ... unhinged but i'm still wondering when is love ever enough? so many years later i'm still wondering 090604 ... past i tried, and it seemed like it was going well, then life intervened, and now it, if gets the chance to become anything, is in the midst of a two week hold. damn. 090604 what's it to you? who go blather from