i_did_care sad flower once i did not care if you cared about me but now i wonder deeply do you care I took you for granted and I should be shot for I need you now to hold me to love me to take away the pain and tell me you care I long now to hear you say it just once 020220 ... Dafremen I did care so deeply, so VERY deeply for you. It was all I could do to contain my tears as you walked out the door tonight. It was the best of myself that came out tonight, polished like a medal by the worst of my fears come true. As you left, I wondered if I should call you back, plead with you to make sense and stay here. It was as I saw the quickness of your pace, the lack of hesitation in your gait that I realized you needed to go. It was the cool, calm blanket of tranquility wrapping around me as you left that helped me to realize that I needed to stay. ' ' 020220 ... Casey I cared so much that I can't bear to hurt you or make you even slightly mad at me. I had to let you go on with your life and me not tell you how I felt. You need to feel free and not suffer the burdon of my love. I can't tell you how I feel, I want to at least keep our friendship intact. If I can't date you, I want to at least be able to safely talk to you. sigh 020220 ... little wonder for the longest time... it's not important now though. 020221 ... Rhin and i still do. however much it hurts to do so, i imagine that i always will. 020221 ... Arwyn you just never noticed how much... 020304 ... yummyC its just that you dont care to notice! 020310 ... damaged i kept getting sucked in, washed out. shivering. hurting on the inside. all the pain. i did care. but then it wasn't worth it. 020310 ... unhinged when he cut you open like a carving knife on his virgin couch i hope you had fun because i was still watching my answering machine flashing zero coming to the realization that i had nothing you want even my pot wasn't good enough for you anymore and two months ago i would have tried to kill myself for you but you would probably be too apathetic and distracted by your cute little wesley mclaughlin to come to the funeral and i saw you the other night flirting at me, him, everyone in the room and i couldn't even pretend to smile anymore i_did_care but now part of me hates you I LOVED YOU AND YOU ARE STILL CUTTING PIECES OUT OF ME 020310 ... little wonder so much time_wasted they don't even know who they're against but they know that you were the victim 020310 ... yummyC i did care the night you lay in bed in a puddle of red. I did care that day when you said you'd call and you forgot and you let me fall. 020329 ... Raina Even though you thought I was in it for the superficial... 020329 ... Syrope about you, then about me and how you made me feel, then about you again for a while, then about me and how i won't ever be good enough, then maybe just about sex, then about you some more... now i just care that i make it out alive. i'm ready for that feeling, the one where the weight is lifted, and suddenly it's alright. *I'm* gonna be alright... 020330 ... optic discretion i did care about_life and about school at one point. then i realized all my efforts were futile. and so i immersed myself with useless things hoping to get out of this hell one day. 020521 ... maybesomeday i thot i did. but i guess i didnt it seems. i dont wanna believe it but im too goddam selfish. fuck me. fuck me. maybe someday i can be with you. keep hoping. i am. 020522 ... Raina and a small piece of me always will 211202 what's it to you? who go blather from