i_did_care
sad flower once i did not care if you cared about me but now i wonder deeply do you care

I took you for granted and I should be shot

for I need you now to hold me to love me

to take away the pain and tell me
you care

I long now to hear you say it
just once
020220
...
Dafremen I did care so deeply, so VERY deeply for you. It was all I could do to contain my tears as you walked out the door tonight. It was the best of myself that came out tonight, polished like a medal by the worst of my fears come true. As you left, I wondered if I should call you back, plead with you to make sense and stay here. It was as I saw the quickness of your pace, the lack of hesitation in your gait that I realized you needed to go. It was the cool, calm blanket of tranquility wrapping around me as you left that helped me to realize that I needed to stay.
'
'
020220
...
Casey I cared so much that I can't bear to hurt you or make you even slightly mad at me. I had to let you go on with your life and me not tell you how I felt. You need to feel free and not suffer the burdon of my love. I can't tell you how I feel, I want to at least keep our friendship intact. If I can't date you, I want to at least be able to safely talk to you. sigh 020220
...
little wonder for the longest time...

it's not important now though.
020221
...
Rhin
and i still do. however much it hurts to do so, i imagine that i always will.
020221
...
Arwyn you just never noticed how much... 020304
...
yummyC its just that you dont care to notice! 020310
...
damaged i kept getting sucked in, washed out. shivering. hurting on the inside. all the pain. i did care. but then it wasn't worth it. 020310
...
unhinged when he cut you open
like a carving knife
on his virgin couch
i hope you had fun
because i was still
watching my answering machine
flashing zero
coming to the realization
that i had nothing
you want
even my pot wasn't good enough for you
anymore
and two months ago
i would have tried to kill myself
for you
but you would probably be too apathetic and distracted by your cute little
wesley mclaughlin
to come to the funeral
and i saw you the other night
flirting at me, him, everyone in the room
and i couldn't even pretend to smile anymore
i_did_care
but now part of me hates you
I LOVED YOU AND YOU ARE STILL
CUTTING PIECES OUT OF ME
020310
...
little wonder
so much time_wasted

they don't even know who they're against
but they know
that you were the victim
020310
...
yummyC i did care the night
you lay in bed
in a puddle of red.
I did care that day
when you said you'd call
and you forgot
and you let me fall.
020329
...
Raina Even though you thought I was in it for the superficial... 020329
...
Syrope about you, then about me and how you made me feel, then about you again for a while, then about me and how i won't ever be good enough, then maybe just about sex, then about you some more...
now i just care that i make it out alive. i'm ready for that feeling, the one where the weight is lifted, and suddenly it's alright. *I'm* gonna be alright...
020330
...
optic discretion i did care about_life and about school at one point. then i realized all my efforts were futile.

and so i immersed myself with useless things hoping to get out of this hell one day.
020521
...
maybesomeday i thot i did. but i guess i didnt it seems. i dont wanna believe it but im too goddam selfish. fuck me. fuck me. maybe someday i can be with you. keep hoping. i am. 020522
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from