unhinged i see the cycle
yet i can't stop it

you feed my
gloriously masochistic inferiority

you are the reason
i seek pain

you don't have to explain about
about addiction to me

you think the small apologies and token gifts
make up for the sharp edges
benzos make you spit

and i see the reality underneath
clinging on to something that is
far the exception to the rule

(which i actually do possess)
my heart is stuck to you
like barnacles on a sinking ship

i sit silent
knowing later
i won't be able to deny it
afraid to say anything real to you

cause i can't stand to be twisted anymore
but i have a sick compulsion
to do whatever you ask
give you whatever you need

and that makes me feel so fucking stupid
unhinged quantum_entanglement 110220
unhinged eventually
you beat the love
right out of me

cause forgiving_you
would mean
i would lose every last piece of
unhinged really
i understand my cousin so much better now

it never got to the same degree for me
he never physically beat me
i never had black eyes

but i had the panic attacks
and the tears
and the pain in my heart was so intense
that it was easier to stay than go

my heart dug in on it
burrowed deep in the darkness
and fell asleep there

i asked my cousin once
why she stayed with the guy that beat her
and she said:
'because i am afraid to be alone'

i am afraid to be alone

and even now
i still have love for him

i was sitting outside having a cigarette
with a friend who stopped talking to me
because of our relationship
and she asked me variations on the same question
i asked my cousin
she had the same puzzlement and anger in her voice
'it was too hard to watch you be miserable'

the things human beings do to each_other
out of fear
perfectly_chaotic the_world_is_a_mirror 110714
perfectly_chaotic the_world_is_a_mirror 110714
unhinged and_sometimes
people are just so broken

that no amount of love and forgiveness
will make them
change their mind

abuse is learned
i never doubted your brains

i feel the wisdom in
you telling me that you had no
example of how to make it work
with me
you had no example
of how to love me

and part of my heart is still breaking
over that one
unhinged you can destroy someone's self_esteem with words too asshole 120927
unhinged we could call today epic perserverence or epic fail, epic compassion or epic weakness

i veer towards determination and compassion
what's it to you?
who go