battered_woman_syndrome unhinged i see the cycle yet i can't stop it you feed my gloriously masochistic inferiority you are the reason i seek pain you don't have to explain about about addiction to me you think the small apologies and token gifts make up for the sharp edges benzos make you spit and i see the reality underneath clinging on to something that is far the exception to the rule beyond_rational_logic (which i actually do possess) my heart is stuck to you like barnacles on a sinking ship i sit silent knowing later i won't be able to deny it afraid to say anything real to you cause i can't stand to be twisted anymore but i have a sick compulsion to do whatever you ask give you whatever you need and that makes me feel so fucking stupid 110220 ... unhinged quantum_entanglement 110220 ... unhinged eventually you beat the love right out of me cause forgiving_you now would mean i would lose every last piece of self_respect 110514 ... unhinged really i understand my cousin so much better now it never got to the same degree for me he never physically beat me i never had black eyes but i had the panic attacks and the tears and the pain in my heart was so intense that it was easier to stay than go my heart dug in on it him burrowed deep in the darkness and fell asleep there i asked my cousin once why she stayed with the guy that beat her and she said: 'because i am afraid to be alone' i am afraid to be alone and even now i still have love for him recently i was sitting outside having a cigarette with a friend who stopped talking to me because of our relationship and she asked me variations on the same question i asked my cousin she had the same puzzlement and anger in her voice 'it was too hard to watch you be miserable' the things human beings do to each_other out of fear 110714 ... perfectly_chaotic the_world_is_a_mirror 110714 ... perfectly_chaotic the_world_is_a_mirror 110714 ... unhinged and_sometimes people are just so broken that no amount of love and forgiveness will make them change their mind abuse is learned i never doubted your brains but_now i feel the wisdom in you telling me that you had no example of how to make it work with me you had no example of how to love me and part of my heart is still breaking over that one 111122 ... unhinged you can destroy someone's self_esteem with words too asshole 120927 ... unhinged we could call today epic perserverence or epic fail, epic compassion or epic weakness i veer towards determination and compassion 160805 what's it to you? who go blather from