dear_depression stork daddy You shouldn’t have gone to that bar. You shouldn’t have had that last drink or gambled on a Wednesday, or had sex with someone who is trying to be married. You do know why I’m talking to you this way, because you somehow inhabit me with a maddening latency that keeps you from my instruction when I talk to me. You go into remission for a good while - long enough for there to be usually a lot on the line when you act up - until some trigger strikes and you thaw, like those beetles that go into underground hibernation for thirteen years, mate for thirteen seconds, and then die. The world is always going to win and beat us all in some way or another, and you know this, you convince me with a rationalization for recklessness, for bleakness so moving it almost seems happy. You should know that some people look at the exact same world and are quite blithe about it. You take such advantage of the fact that I somehow cherish you for your coming with the same erratic conquering as my creativity. You know that I conflate you two. You know I hate asking is it clinical, or is it romantic, Dostoevsky being more fun than the DSM-IV. Know this: the first moment I see that you two are at all severable, you shall be severed. What kind of parasite is so reckless with its host? You’re the dumb and insufferable in the world. You’re Hitler eating yogurt while signing death warrants, and he spills a little on one. 080311 ... jane dear depression: please stop associating yourself with my pornography. thanks. your friend, . 080312 ... music box depression is like self harm, it's the same as fasting. how may i ask is starving yourself going to make a difference to anything? do you think that is a way to gain compassion for people that don't have any food or something? why do people try so hard to have a fucking heart? depression is .... what humans have done to the world and it is a disease that is catching. - is it time to wind me up again? 080312 ... unhinged it's been such a long time since it hurt so bad i wanted to die. thanks for taking a vacation i still get sad i still wonder what it is about me that isn't good enough i still get damned lonely but i don't want to fling myself off a bridge anymore which seems like such a far leap in retrospect sleeping with someone who is trying to be committed to someone else is just the food your depression was looking for. 080312 ... pea soup a sense of belonging; it can be shared but the concept has never been accepted or even challenged as something that could work if love had no bounds. For some reason physical contact with people, whether it be a look or simply to hold some ones hand, has caused so much restriction and heart ache. When you see it in that way you start to realize how incredibly limiting human beings are towards the word LOVE. 080313 ... unhinged people are too jealous and possessive to share cause sometimes it just feels good to be the most important thing in someone else's life 080313 what's it to you? who go blather from