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an_unhappy_girl_today
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...
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gah
i hate this
this not knowing what to think or feel, let alone do...
i mean, i see him dangling a spring down the stairwell
how the hell... augh...
i really wish he didn't exist
i'm dying here
again, again, again
i don't even like him
numb, in pain, beating my head against the wall
dying for the sight of him again
i did this months ago... i feel so horrible
i dont even care about him
he doesn't care about me even more
help
somebody kill him for me
or tell me how to feel
what to think
how to act
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050920
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... |
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...
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this is such a retarded blathe title
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050920
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... |
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...
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ooh
on second thought
i don't give a shit
if he cares, he can do something about it, irl
i'm blocking him and moving on with my life
fuck yeah!
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050920
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... |
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rage
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the glass falls to the floor
but no one hears it shatter
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050921
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... |
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unhinged
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john_and_i
my magnetic and unexplicable attraction
to boys_like_him
i really do have a
strong mothering instinct
venus_heart_traps
my brain knows it is the wrong thing
but it's what my heart screams for
and i don't know how to quiet
the clamoring of my love instinct
but i do know
better than anything else in my life
that love
is an easy thing
for most people to allow to go unnoticed
that i feel safer unnoticed
even though my heart wants more than anything
to_be_noticed
and loved in_return
he believes he's so strong and mature
when all his unhappiness
comes from his inability to let_go;
immaturity
but i don't have any advice for that
because while my brain has learned
the necessity of letting_go
it still takes my heart immeasurably long
him for instance
my brain had convincingly let_go
and then all it took was one week together again
and my heart was reattached
my heart still aches for him
to help him
but my brain knows his perception
makes that impossible
my heart broke
the day he finally hugged me
i haven't sobbed like that in quite awhile
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050921
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unhinged
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in_simple_language
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051002
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rage
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my eyes burn lies of a fallen angel lies of a tragedy as she falls and it all falls down around her she swings and i breathe how could this happen to me i long to be free but its cold and its heavy though im all in one peice we all know i'm broken but no one else smiles and says all the right things i wonder how i'll feel about the feelings that brings as it shuts me down i hope i open up though its tough i'll continue to pretend to be strong for a while and we'll see how it ends and how it all goes wrong next i guess i'll do whats best but all these hearts pull me and no matter what i do somethings going to break i hope it's not mine.
love me
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051003
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fuckstick
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my life is so blessed
but i'll never forget you
i still love you
like a second hasnt passed
youre the darkness
but i crave you
i used to love it when your devoured me
the dark parts of me
no one understands those parts
not even me
but theyre still here
i hate myself
maybe thats why i still love you
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160908
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unhinged
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(eh, i dont feel this way much anymore. equanimity, mahamudra have been great blessings)
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160909
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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