so fucking lost dont want to be obligated to anyone anymore.
dont want to have resposibilites to other people.
i just want to be me, for a bit.
without all these things attached.

dont want all this stuff to be so hard anymore.
Elzbieta I decided to opt for the "fuck it" attitude at the end of July and it has been going well so far. Slowly, cautiously, I have been climbing up the hill towards a life without depression, nightmare, and self injury.

I don't want to live like this forever. I don't want to die young by my own hand. I want to live!...and I wanna do it on my own the way I want.
eklektic i'm tired of people judging others because of their downfalls. everyone being so self-righteous all the time. i try not to, i think we all know that. 021121
my little secret It's been real... have a nice life.

Good Bye.
no reason i'm pretty sure it's gone. 030805
unhinged i wish i could
but i still haven't found the secret
to happy emptiness
me mmmm...
neither have i !
what would make yu full ?

is it attainable ?

let me in to your secret world.
unhinged you are already in my secret world 070525
laced none of it matters, there's no rush, we've got all eternity to do everything, at least that's what Kerouac told me, told you and any cat that can dig what he's sayin long enough to catch what he's droppin and that's heavy 071017
cocky bitch WORKER BEE - "quick, your are late for the annual team building event, quick we must learn how to be friends with our ego maniac boss."

BOSS - "quick be friends! be friends! that way you will work better together and i can pocket most of the money whilst i treat you like a piece of shit on the floor. yup its all me me me, because i want to be respected and looked up too because it makes my penis feel bigger."
unhinged i've contemplated a lot in recent years what i want and need in my relationships. how i could do better. for various reasons, i've decided and tried pretty hard to leave my avoidant ways behind. to speak up, even just to speak when things bother me.

i had some kind of delusion that i would feel relief. if i let it out, if i told you, that it would be easy like opening a door. it turned out to be more like opening a flood gate.

you reacted the way i thought you might. my assumptions usually end up rather astute. once again, i was overwhelmingly disappointed. i couldn't abandon_expectation that someday you might just hear me out.

we both wished things would've been different
but that doesn't change the fact
that they weren't
that they aren't

for now i trudge forward
accepting of the things i can't change
trying to make_better_choices
bracing for the failure
with the wisdom to know that
fail i will
and the strength to
stand back up
what's it to you?
who go