the_truth_about_bees_and_wasps DannyH These days wasps and bees are well known for keeping their distance from each other but it was not always so. Around thirty thousand years ago, they were one indistinguishable species, known to the humans of that time as “guuuugh” and to each other as “BZZZZZ” For millions of years this hardworking and well defended species had lived in groups of near perfect social organisation, suffering from the attentions of very few natural predators, writing off the occasional bear-related loss of stock to unavoidable loss and generally getting on with the mindless pursuit of producing sweet, sticky, viscous substances, accidentally enabling a massive diversity of plant life to flourish in the process. This near-utopian state of harmony was not to last, however. No-one knows quite from where (rumours of agent-provocateur greenfly and caterpillar black propoganda were rife but never proven) but a greast schism took hold in bee/wasp society. The specifics of the disagreement have been lost in the mists of time. Sadly, to this day, bee historians commit most of their records to the highly perishable medium of swirl marks in honey and the idea of quizzing wasps on the activities of their forebears is frankly laughable. What can be gleaned from oral history is that one group, while perfectly willing to carry on making honey, wanted there to be at least some form of agreement on why it was necessary to make such a collosal amount of it. This group called themselves the Rationalists. The other group, known by others, though not amongst themselves as the Honeypushers, were outraged at this apparent questioning of the authority of the queens and accused the Rationalists of using an obscure existential argument to cover up for the fact that they were too lazy to make more honey. “Honey is an end in itself” was their famous slogan, or (“BZZZZZ” in modern bee language). “You can have too much of a good thing.” Was the riposte of the Rationalists. All attempts at mediation failed, largely because none were made. Owing to the rather heirarchical nature of bee/wasp society the concept of arbitration had never been fully explored. Bloody civil war was the inevitable result. The futility of the war was best summed up by this famous exchange which has become part of the folklore of both sides, bees and wasps now both claiming it came from their side. General BZZZZZ: What news of the latest battle. Captain BZZZZZ: We won! Killed every last one of them, sir. General BZZZZZ: Excellent. Rally our troops, I shall make a victory speech. Captain BZZZZZ: Our troops are all dead, sir. While it loses something in translation, modern bee society considers this to be the most solemn and profound piece of literature in it’s canon. It is famous amongst wasps as the funniest joke ever told. As casualties mounted on both sides in precisely equal numbers, the futility of the conflict slowly dawned on their leaders. An armistace was called and the two groups decided the only way to avoid extinction was a policy of apartheid. The Rationalists fared badly in the ensuing negotiations. It turned out they had in fact been secretly rather lazy all along and their negotiaters were nowhere near as well prepared as the industrious Honeypushers. The Rationalists, left to live effectively as outcasts continued to fight sporadically amongst themselves. The only way to survive in those dark times was to find some way to sting and live to tell the tale. When a child was born with no barbs to his sting, instead of being set upon and eaten by this parents as would normally be the case, he was feted as the saviour of the Rationalist faction. Queens from all over the world came to mate with this lucky individual and formed the basis of a new species who became dominant in no time at all. This explains why wasps are much more aggressive and resentful creatures than their ancient cousins, and why they are much more fun than bees at a dinner party. 050906 ... Doar . 050906 ... "The" Man Catch the buzz. 070710 what's it to you? who go blather from