and_i_will_never_be_the_same Mahayana maybe_im_wrong (but) i_know_what_you're_doing cycles_repeat this_is_what_you_want complicated_girl snakes_and_spirals undying_love silence now.. silence ... silence what_am_i_now who_are_you question_everything unraveling_fears endurable_aching say_you_love_me just_breathe_my_dear_just_breath blatherhardkicktotheshin destruction_of_loves_beauty whatever_you_give_away it_began_with i_cannot_live_without_you_with_you it_ended_with i'm_so_lonely layers_are_unraveling like_four_four_time_slipping_away_into_someone (else) rusty_dreams aberrational_scents your_beauty_pierces_me all_mixed_up iamhere___________________youarethere plethora_of_intangible_connections as_if_by_saying there_must_be_something_i_need "Love Faith Honesty and Trust I have hope. That helps." what_do_you_want (now) 040521 ... phil permanent 040521 ... notphil peppermint 040521 ... endless desire i like this. very much. i dont know how to say how much. enough that it is on my favourites. and ive never done that before. 040521 ... pete coarsing winds over the plains. the solemn shattered fields. the land where the rocks are broken and the sun rises high in the noon day sky. we run, tripping over the razor edges, barely avoiding death slices as we pick our way hopefilled that we may see safety. we run, slowly with each day tenth that passes. we run, we stagger, we fall. with still so far to go we cannot fall. we must move on. but we can't. we have fallen. the lights flash over head. they are searching for us, the fallen. they will take us to where we have run from. away we will go, and no longer will i see you. away we will go, to die slower than natural life allows. to see our familes deteriorate and collapse. to see our friends and loves devoured by time. all the while we are saved from its affects, yet tortured by a slow, painful diesease. one that pains and then stops, and then pains, and then stops, so as to be sure that we never get used to it. a screaming agony. a blistering hellflame that can only be summoned by one truly enthralled in the hateful lust of lost silence and innocence. and here we lay fallen. the light touches upon you. they take you from me. they leave. i am alone. fallen. you are gone. and i am free. free with the pain that you have been taken and i have been left here. and i will cry to the skies for your safety. for your quick death. and i will never be the same. 040522 ... once again We went driving, but I don't remember what you said, only the way your eyes held the road like some ancient navigator carrying us across the world. We went out and I can't remember where we went, but there in my mind are memories of the way we were. The way you held my hand and sometimes more and when you looked at me and I smiled at you and it was good and right. We met in the middle and we danced together... a gentle hug and sway that was poetry enough for the two of us... and I let you in... I had never done it before and I will never do it again, but even though the shape of my face is there... the eyes... I haven't grown an inch or gained a pound... I will never be the same. 040523 ... Lint Lover Not since that morning that you left, after the night you spent with me in my one room apartment on Melrose in 1995 040523 what's it to you? who go blather from