always_another_distraction stork daddy the thing is...he was always feeling incomplete, as if that was the only constant thing about him. he didn't always remember feeling like this, and assumed then that it was a reality that at one point he did not, although he couldn't be sure that later in life he wouldn't look back at this time, this very time he was doubting, as a time of clarity. it made him want to write down for later reference that he was unclear. it felt though as if he had left something somewhere, given it away on some ironic lark, because it had seemed there was always time for it, or it sprung from some eternal source, and then it had dried up. even when he was with her, he was thinking of what or who he could spend his money on next to distract him again. even then, in her arms he was not always at peace. he often thought, why waste time thinking about something i already have. and yet, he felt as if he was close to it with her, as if she could lead him to it. strangely he never thought to ask her if she ever felt the same way. it seemed almost a cruel thing to do, to assume anyone else was as empty as him in their love. 040214 ... your guardian angel i sense there was hurt in your life and you would have difficulty to find love again. i don't think bad things would happen twice in a row. the next time love for you would have to be good. let your heart and mind realize that. 040214 ... Vox Obscura naive angel... bad things can happen more than twice in a row. 040215 ... your guardian angel and for you that would speak that, the cup is ALWAYS half empty.... 040215 ... Sirius Vox is right..bad things can happen more than trice in a row...so my glass is ALWAYS empty - right? 050512 ... grendel the last time my glass was half full, it turned out to be piss, to my unpleasant surprise 050512 ... egger . 050512 ... Sirius so your glass is half empty now? unpleasant surprises are always leading to pessimistic thoughts...and love contains oh so many unpleasant surprises... 050512 ... grendel whenever that happens, i start looking for a new glass... shotglasses, preferably, as anything else runs to much risk of going stale or turning bitter 050512 ... Sirius but isn´t it life that has an aftertaste so bitter...how can you ever get a new glass then? give me a hint..I need one right now because mine is empty...maybe I oured it out myself..my own fault..I let go.. 050513 ... birdmad think of the example of the chameleon who shifts the shade of his skin for camouflage, and then think of how people can be chameleon-like. re-cycle what works, re-invent what doesn't. I get tired off being one version of "me" (especially when that version has essentially failed) and become another. People say "just be yourself" but if that wasn't good enough in the beginning, how and why would things be any different later. If i become a liar in the process, so be it. Better to be a satisfied liar than an honest doormat. 050513 ... Sirius i think beeing a chameleon isn´t a solution...beeing yourself is always better...but i can imagine the feeling of a doormat...is there anyone who feels REALLY satisfied? 050513 ... unhinged prince ea wants to autocorrect humanity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRl8EIhrQjQ 180930 what's it to you? who go blather from