thissickfeeling erinicolejax That I have waited so long. That this might not work. I have this sick feeling that something will always be missing, amiss, wrong, lacking, all and all not perfect. That we were meant to exist together to make love together to connect the way we have, but never to be...to be right. I'm not looking for forever, just a period of time where everything is right. Was that rightness meant for us? Or am I supposed to have, this empty feeling forever for any time without this sick feeling of a looming disaster, my heart ready to break. 020624 ... unhinged that i'm better off dead i went to the drugstore today to refill my perscription that i don't need because it is the only thing in my possession that will make me numb i walked down the hardware aisle looking for some blades because i had thrown them all away for him thrown too much away for him and he doesn't want to bother anymore (yeah yeah yeah, i know 'i told you so') this may have been the longest time that i've stopped and i found a boxcutter almost like the ones i used to use cause they were so perfect for it the way they fit in the palm of my hand and i could press down, dig scrape away almost like the ones i used to use $1.49 but i was waiting for my perscription to get filled and then i could swallow pills instead i don't count on people here to pretend to ignore it or even pretend to understand it so there's still part of me saying no but last night when i was digging through old memories looking, hoping that i hadn't gotten rid of all of them that there had to be one left and my eyes are red and dull again i remember this sick feeling better than all the rest and i have to cook dinner that i don't want to eat when getting out of bed is an unspeakable feat yeah, i remember this sick feeling and there's nothing to chase it away for good my worst addiction tired_of_this but no one can fix it not even me the way i am sick crazy 031128 ... endless desire some things fit so well, i almost feel like i wrote it myself. almost wish i did. unhinged, your poem was. . .well i_don't_have_words 031129 ... unhinged *bowsdeeplyfromthewaist* *hug* for endless desire i guess this is going to be a battle for me for the rest of my life. that the happy times are few, far between, and fleeting. but the memory stands a little more resilient to the blackness than it used to. my heart is growing black around the edges. 031201 ... unhinged roughdraft i know how you feel boodhi i haven't felt that way in awhile but i remember it that sick feeling 100228 ... unhinged (is less intense now after i learned that thoughts are just thoughts no attachment necessary) 190730 what's it to you? who go blather from