roughdraft unhinged i wish i could do this some other way more private but i can only hope you'll see this the breathing machines cut loose i've got my own thin threads holding me up i run away from the people that love me i've done my fair share of scary shit to the people that know me well sometimes i can't bear to get out of bed and hearing their voices only makes it worse i don't want to disappoint anyone i disappoint myself everyday i don't want to hurt anyone yeah, i take it all out on me i wish i could do this some other way i wish i was still there for you because sitting next to you helped me stay there for myself when i left town i didn't want to leave you behind just something i had to do dear i wish i was still there for you i can't ask you to come to me when i carry it all on my own see i'm more like you than you probably know that's why i used to call every so often let you know i still care when my phone was sitting silent and i wanted more than anything to hear one voice that cared remember that book someone wrote for you? a lame attempt to show you what i didn't have the heart to say i've got the same button the one that i push to spite myself to self_destruct i can't stay sober long myself because looking in the mirror makes me remember all that shit i'd rather forget looking at you sitting with you helped me remember all that shit i'd rather forget you meant more than you could ever understand to me more than i meant to myself i wish i was still there to buy you coffee and cigarettes feed you the only meal i know you'll eat all day to keep my heart alive see i'm more like you than you probably know and deep down when i'm pushing everyone away i wish that just one of them would fight me and stay 041201 ... Lemon_Soda *optimism eclipsed momentarily by a few tears cried while reading this* "No, mom, I'm fine. I'm going to the bathroom..." 050720 ... unhinged i can see us clearly now. there was so much suffering and delusion around us, the whole thing was confusing for awhile, but i get it now. i can let go of all the shit now. but you irrevocably changed me in so many fundamental aspects and i still have this intense feeling of thanks toward you for it. harrisburg really was a beautiful ending to our story. 080508 ... unhinged i can't fight anymore there_are_no_words_here 100124 what's it to you? who go blather from